Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Frances!
Frances who?
Frances hello!

What kind of bunny drinks coffee?

Mugs bunny!

Brian Roberts and I wrote these in a moment (hour?) of boredom.

one with nintendo
halcyon symbiosis
hand thinks for itself

cold matsushita
their technology stronger
enslaves our people

midori ito
girl finds glory, is broken
they can rebuild her

honda seatcovers
winter warm and summer cool
little lambs no more

the sand remembers
once there was beach and sunshine
but chip is warm too

oh no godzilla
guns and planes cannot stop him
tokyo is ablaze

samurai fighter
keyboard and mouse are his sword
digital battles

DAT arrives
frequency notch treachery
people are not fooled

young Sony worker
innocent hands build Walkman
tears run down faces

Whats easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?

A snowman is easier to make, cause with a snowwoman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make her breasts!

Two
old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a
smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled
out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette,
and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "Whats that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt
get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local
drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she
wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed,
looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80
years old), but very delicately asks what brand she
prefers.
"Doesnt matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted

Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.Jennings Corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Here is a joke from the March issue of Playboy:
[Ed: But they didnt write it.]

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood
bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and
asked him if anything was wrong.

Im scared out of my mind, the stud replied. Some pissed-off husband
wrote to me and said hed kill me if I didnt stop fucking his wife.

So stop, the barkeep said.

I cant, the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. The prick didnt
sign his name!

She whispers to the waiter, Please kill me.

All she talks about is how great it is working for Heidi Fleiss.

You catch her giving her phone number to the guy cleaning your windshield.

She lunges at you several times with a steak knife.

She keeps calling you Bachelor Number Two.

Whoa! Is it 8:15 already?

She transitions the conversation by saying Ive said enough about me. What do you think about me?

Q. Whats the difference between a guitar player and a Savings Bond?

A. The Savings Bond will eventually mature and make money.

A woman told a marriage counselor that her husbands complaint that he leads a dogs life is probably well founded.

He comes in the house with muddy feet, she said, tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture.