Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
20
Jun
20
Jun
Los papás de Pepito fueron invitados a una fiesta y, por supuesto, llevaron a Juanito y Luisito, los hermanos de Pepito. La anfitriona los recibió gustosa, y enseguida les sirvió un vaso de refresco. Una vez hecho esto, se sentó a conversar con los niños.
Hola, Juanito, ¿a qué te dedicas últimamente?
Soy el as de las canicas. Cuando juego no hay quien me gane.
¡Eso está muy bien! ¿Y tú, Luisito?
Yo soy el as de los juegos de vÃdeo. No hay quien me gane.
¿Y tú, Pepito?
Yo también soy un as.
¿Ah, s� No me digas que te dedicas a una actividad positiva. Que yo sepa sólo sabes hacer travesuras.
¡Por eso! Mire usted, todos los dÃas saliendo de la escuela me voy a casa, me subo a la azotea y les lanzo piedras a todos que pasan por la calle.
¡Eso es terrible! Pero ¿por qué dices que eres un as?
Porque desde abajo, todos los que apedreo me gritan: ¡Has de bajar, malcriado!
20
Jun
Un inglés querÃa vender un caballo viejo, pero nadie querÃa comprarlo. Por fin se le acercó un gitano:
¡Señor, nadie va a comprar un caballo tan flaco!
¿Y qué me aconseja usted?, dijo el inglés.
Yo puedo ayudarle, dice el gitano al tiempo que saca un tubo, lo introduce en el ano del caballo y empieza a soplar con fuerza. El caballo empezó a engordar, pero el gitano se cansó pronto y le dice al inglés:
Le toca a usted.
El inglés toma el tubo, lo saca del ano del animal, lo volta y lo vuelve a introducir por el otro extremo, luego empezó a soplar. Sorprendido, el gitano le pregunta:
¿Qué le pasa?
¡Oh, es que me da asco la saliva de otra gente!
20
Jun
20
Jun
Ten-one to do it and nine to document it.
20
Jun
Sex alone is not enough to build a relationship, but with two people…
20
Jun
Then theres the woman who goes to the dentist.
As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.
The dentist says, Madam, I believe youve got a hold of my privates.
The woman replies, Yes…And were going to be careful not to hurt each other, arent we…
20
Jun
I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
Back off Barney, Ive got a piece.
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
I know I was weaving, but I cant find the Honeycomb Hideout!
On the way to the station lets get a twelve pack.
Youll never get those cuffs on me…You wimp!
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
Hey, wasnt your daughter a pork queen?
How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
Im surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
Hey, you mustve been doing about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didnt realize my radar detector wasnt plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
Excuse me. Is stick up hyphenated?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad Cop! No Donut!
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, thats how far I am behind the other cars.
Youre NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Lets do it different this time… I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow
Didnt I see you get your ass kicked on COPS last week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriends bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
So, uh, you on the take, or what?
Gee, officer! Thats terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
So, are you still crabby because your mamma didnt let you play with your gun when you were little?
Hey is that a 9 mm? Thats nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
When you smack the crap outta me, make su
20
Jun
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, George Washington greets him. How dare you attack the nation I helped build! yells Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry approaches and says, You wanted to end the Americans liberty, so they gave you death! Henry punches Osama in the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense! He strikes Osama on the kneecap with a large spiked hammer. Osama is subjected to a series of similar beatings from John Randolph, John Adams, James Monroe, and a steady procession of other people who have the same love for liberty and the United States. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams in panic, This is not what I was promised! An angel replies, I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?
20
Jun
At the recent Olympics, a man was walking throught the Olympic villiage carrying a long pole. A reporter came up to him and asked Are you a pole vaulter?
The man replied, No, Im a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?