What is a ghouls favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…
20
Jun
20
Jun
A guy walks into this sporting goods store in Alaska,
immediately spies a rather haggard-looking old salt of
a store clerk sitting by the cash register.
Hear ya got a lotta bears round here?
Yep, answers the clerk.
Big bears?
Yep.
Mean bears?
Yep.
Black bears?
Yep.
GRIZZLIES???!
Yep.
Got any bear bells?
Whats dat?
You know, them little dingle-bells ya put
on yer backpack so bears know yer in
the perimiter sos they can runs away …
Yep. Over yonder …
Great. Ill take one fer black bears, and one fer grizzlies.
Say, howd you know if yer in black bear country anyway?
Look fer scatt.
Oh. Well, how howd you know if theres GRIZZLIES????!
Look fer scatt.
You just said that!
Yeah. But grizzly scatts different.
Well now, just whats IN grizzly scatt thats different?
Bear bells.
19
Jun
At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
19
Jun
Un argentino manejaba un taxi en el exterior. Se sube una chica muy bien dotada por la naturaleza y le pregunta:
¿Llega al Metro?
Y el argentino, agrandado le dice:
Al metro no llegará, pero que vas a gozar, eso te lo aseguro…
19
Jun
Un señor mientras comÃa en un lujoso restaurant nota que todos los camareros tienen una cuchara en el bolsillo de su chaqueta y un hilo colgando del zipper del pantalón. Llama a uno y le pregunta:
¿Para qué es la cuchara?
Luego de un pequeño estudio, nuestro jefe determinó que se perdÃa demasiado tiempo buscando cucharas en la cocina cada vez que un cliente solicitaba una.
¿Y el hilo?
También es para ganar tiempo. Cada vez que vamos al baño sólo halamos del hilo y nuestro bin-bin sale, orinamos y asà no tenemos que lavarnos las manos.
Ok, ¿pero cómo lo vuelven a meter?
Yo no sé los otros, yo uso la cuchara…
19
Jun
19
Jun
A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.
James replied, My wife loves this beard, I couldnt possibly do it, she would kill me!!
Oh please? the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
Oh really, I cant, he replies…My wife loves this beard!!
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies Oh Michael, you shouldnt be here, my husband will be home soon!
19
Jun
41. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to sit back and groove.
42. Announce that last years students have almost finished their class projects.
43. Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
44. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you Snuggles.
45. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol youve named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who dont use it.
46. Address students as worm.
47. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
48. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
49. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute commercial breaks every ten minutes.
50. Of course, the most fun thing to do on the first day of class is to enjoy yourself, sleep in, and let the students wonder if they found the right room!
19
Jun
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills.
19
Jun
This is from a comedian on A&Es Evening at the Improv:
Have you ever tried to tickle yourself? Everybody has some whacko
aunt or uncle that can just point at you and have you rolling with
laughter. But if you shove your fist in your underarm for a week
and a half you wont laugh. Somehow your underarm just knows that
its your fist. Thank God other parts of our bodies are dumber.