Knock Knock
Whos there?
Willis!
Willis who?
Willis rain ever stop!

Un día, en el jardín del Edén, Eva llama a Dios:

¡Señor, tengo un problema!

Los cielos se abren y se escucha:

¿Qué te pasa, hija?

Ya sé que Tú me has creado y me has dado este hermoso jardín y todos estos animales maravillosos, pero no soy feliz.

¿Por qué, Eva?

Estoy muy sola.

Bueno, tengo la solución: crearé un hombre para ti.

¿Qué es un hombre, Señor?

El hombre será una criatura imperfecta con tendencias agresivas y enorme ego; poco dispuesto a escucharte e incapaz de comprenderte. Será mayor que tú, más rápido y musculoso; tendrá habilidad para pelear y cazar rumiantes veloces. Se portará bien en la cama, pero querrá dominarte y hacerte creer que te protege y lo necesitas. En resumen, te fastidiará bastante. Si, aún así, lo quieres, te lo daré con una condición.

¿Qué condición es esa, Señor?

Tendrás que dejarle creer que Yo lo hice a él primero…

CHILDRENS BOOKS YOULL NEVER SEE

1. Strangers Have the Best Candy



2. You Were an Accident 3. The Little Sissy Who Snitched



4. Some Kittens Can Fly!



5. Getting More Chocolate on Your Face



6. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?



7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her



8. The Attention Deficit Disorder Associations Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Lets Go Ride Our Bikes!



9. All Dogs Go to Hell



10.The Kids Guide to Hitchhiking



11.When Mommy and Daddy Dont Know the Answer They Say God Did It



12. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia



13. What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?



14. Why Cant Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?



15. Bi-Curious George



16. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry



17. Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver



18. You Are Different and Thats Bad



19. Dads New Wife Timothy



20. Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games



21. Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets



22. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad



23. The Tickling Babysitter



24. Babar Meets the Taxidermist



25. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence



26. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables



27. Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Moms Purse



28. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy



29. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will



30. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead



31. How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School



32. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear

A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what Gods name was.

Oh thats easy, the man replied, His name is Andy.

What make you think his name is Andy? the angel asked incredulously.

Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.

Wedding Jokes

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive wayto get your laundry done for free.

The most effective way to remember your wifesbirthday is to forget it once.

Getting married is very much like going to arestaurant with friends. You order what you want,then when you see what the other fellow has, you wishyou had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
The other replied, Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much doesit cost to get married?
The father replied, I dont know son, Im still paying.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africaa man doesnt know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, I never knew what real happinesswas until I got married; and then it was too late.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, Iwas a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didntnotice.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds:Wife wanted.
Next day he received a hundred letters. Theyall said the same thing: You can have mine.

When a man steals your wife, there is no betterrevenge than to let him keep her. -Sacha Guitry

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. Therest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

Doc, the frustrated commuter complained, Im fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like Im going to explode.

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.

What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?

No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common.

Tell me! What is it?

You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. Why dont you put your money where your mouth is, he said. I will bet a weeks wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you wont be able to wheel back.

Youre on, old man, the braggart replied. Lets see what you got.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, All right. Get in.

What do you call a Polish baby doctor?

A dope pusher.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You dont have to compliment the person who gave you some…
6. Person giving you some, doesnt fantasize youre someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it wont last for nine months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one will think youre weird.
3. Doesnt matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. No guilt the next morning.
And, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex….
1. If you dont get what you want, you can always go next door.