Old and New Jokes

Estaba la mamá de Pepito hablando con la vecina y la vecina le contaba que tenía unas diarreas muy fuertes y que no se las podían controlar con nada.

Pepito, que estaba escuchando la conversación, le dice: Mire vecina, yo la voy a ayudar con eso porque yo tengo la receta.

Ella, considerando la corta edad de Pepito, pensaba que se trataba de cosas de niños, así que le preguntó cual era la receta para controlar las diarreas.

Pepito le dijo: Lo que tiene que hacer es comer mucha langosta.

Tanto la vecina como la mamá de Pepito se qedarpm asombradas y le preguntaron a Pepito cómo era que la langosta ayudaba con las diarreas.

Y Pepito les contestó:

Bueno, la verdad que yo no sé como ayuda, pero a cada rato escucho cuando mami le dice a papi que coma langosta, a ver si esa mierda se para…

Se celebran las Olimpiadas Especiales. En la prueba de natación sale el primer competidor, sin brazos. Se lanza a la piscina y al cabo de 3 minutos la cruza. La gente aplaude el mérito.

Aparece el segundo competidor, sin brazos ni piernas. Se lanza a la piscina y 5 minutos después cruza la piscina. La gente, emocionada por el esfuerzo del deportista, se levanta y aplaude sin cesar.

Entonces, aparece el tercer competidor, sin brazos, sin piernas y sin tronco; sólo la cabeza. Lo colocan en el lugar de lanzamiento, le ponen el gorro y se tira a la piscina.

Quince minutos después, no salía nadie de la piscina, ni se veía ningún movimiento. Entonces, los de rescate se tiraron y lo sacaron, casi a punto de ahogarse.

¿Qué pasó?, le preguntan intrigados.

¡No joda, 5 años entrenando para nadar con las orejas! ¿Quién fue el hijueputa que me puso el gorro?

Tech Support: OK Bob, lets press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter P to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I dont have a P.



Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.



Customer: What do you mean?



Tech Support: P on your keyboard, Bob.



Customer: Im not going to do that!

A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet.



Is this where Frank lives? one of the drunks asked.



Yes, it is, the woman replied.



Well then, said the drunk, Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows
and only four tellers?

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.
Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.
Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.
Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.
Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.
Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work.
When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, heres the Golden Rule of e-mail:

That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

On that note thouest haveth a good weeketh!

Jessica

http://www.affiliatewindow.com

Two blondes were planning to rob a bank.

The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second.

They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank.

The first blonde says to the second blonde, Are you SURE you understand the plan?

Yes! replied the second blonde.

So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.

Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned.

The first blonde gets very nervous.

Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.

No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!

Clovis Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.

What do you call an [ethnic] lady having an abortion?

Crimestopper.

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. Ill help you get the wagon up later."

"Thats mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I dont think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa wont like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Dont be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."