A man complains to a friend, I cant take it anymore.
Whats wrong? his concerned friend asks.
Its my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!
You mean hysterical, his friend said, chuckling.
No, I mean HISTORICAL, the man insists. Every argument we have, shell go I still remember that time when you ….
One day, a bar owner decided he had enough of the slow business and needed a gimmick. He finally decided on one. He got a horse and put it in the bar. He placed a sign over the horse and had the sign read.
Pay $100, make the horse laugh win $1000 For years, the gimmick worked. Finally, a man walked into the bar saw the sign and asked, Is that sign for real? The bar owner told him it was.
The man paid $100, walked up to the horse and whispered something to the horse. The horse started to laugh falling to his knees.
The next day, the owner changed the sign.
Pay $100, make the horse cry, win $1000. For years the gimmick worked. One day, the same man walked into the bar and saw the sign. He paid the bar owner $100 and asked for a curtain. The man closed the curtain and then opened it a couple of moments later. The horse was now crying up a storm.
The man walked up to the bar owner and asked for his money. Not so fast, the bar owner said, First you have to tell me what you did both times! Simple, said the man, First I told him I was bigger, this time I proved it
There was A blond coyboy was in a dessert and he was riding a camel. After his camel died the man decided to walk on…… after a few hours the man collapsed, the only thing he saw was something sticking out of the ground he went to it. it was a breif case the man opened it and out poped a ginnie and it was a girl and she looked like a floating reporter she said bla bla while looking through the rule book. she said i am your ginnie you have 3 wishes and the man said ok my first wish will be to have food and water all over. poof !!! every where he looked he was surrounded by food and water. the ginnie came again she said wht is your second wish the man said i wish to be the richest man in the world. POOF!!! there was pots of gold every where he looked. the ginnie soon returned and said what is your final wish its your last for ever and you had better make it a good one. he said ok i wish every where i go beautiful young women woulg want and need me. POOF!!! she turned him into a tampon!
Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough.
Well, she asked, how long did you cook it?
Youre supposed to cook it? he said.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasnt been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, My goodness, doc, exactly whats my problem?
Doctor says, Youre not drinking enough water.
Q: What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Hey, get out of my son!
You might be a redneck if you had to remove your toothpick for the wedding pictures!
ME? A GREAT LEADER?
ME, START A VANGUARD PARTY TO LEAD THE WORKING CLASS TO
REVOLUTION? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!
JUST IMAGINE BEING A RESPECTED AND BELOVED FATHERLY LEADER UNDER WHOSE
WISE GUIDANCE THE REVOLUTIONARY MASSES WILL FORGE AHEAD DAILY WITH THE
FIERY ZEAL OF A SPEED-UP CAMPAIGN!!!!
Over the past few years, Party Builders Associates has aided countless
individuals and groups to form vanguard parties intelligently tailored
to their own needs. These people are now leading creative, happy lives
fighting one another. What weve done for others, we can do for you.
A few minutes filling out the following questionnaire may be the best
investment youll ever make. Your answers will enable Party Builders
Associates, preserving strict confidentiality, to work out a party
program that is JUST RIGHT for you and your friends.
And now, heres the questionnaire. We advise using a pencil, since these
are by no means easy questions, and your party will not be able to alter
the positions taken here without seriously damaging your credibility
among the workers.
1) The Russian Revolution turned away from socialism in:
[] (a) 1917
[] (b) 1927
[] (c) 1953
[] (d) 1957
[] (e) It hasnt yet, but my group will be the first to denounce it when it does
2) Black people are:
[] (a) A nation
[] (b) A nation of a new type
[] (c) A super-exploited sector of the working class
[] (d) Petit-bourgeois
[] (e) A colony
[] (f) Please send me more information about this controversial group
3) The main danger facing the workers vanguard in the present epoch is:
[] (a) Right opportunism
[] (b) Left sectarianism
[] (c) Right opportunism masking as left sectarianism
[] (d) My parents
[] (e) Other (please specify)
4) Rather than focus on narrow economic issues, my party will offer a
cultural critique of life in advanced capitalist countries. The following
are signs of capitalist decadence:
[] (a) Feminism
[] (b) Trotskyism
[] (c) Pornographic movies
[] (d) Recent price increases in pornographic movies
[] (e) Other (please give exact details)
5) I would like to include the following in the title of my party:
[] (a) Labor
[] (b) Workers
[] (c) Revolutionary
[] (d) Socialist
[] (e) Communist
[] (f) Vanguard
[] (g) Progressive
[] (h) October(November)
[] (i) United
[] (j) International
[] (k) World
[] (l) Movement
[] (m) M
[] (n) L
[] (o) All of the above
[reprinted from The Fifth Estate, Detroit, MI, whatever the hell that is]
[ Reputedly now defunct ]
Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin
Day wuz sleepin good.
Everbody wuz sleepin
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads
I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked It must be de law!!
I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!
Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night
Now what I did see
made me say LAWD Lood at dat!
It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats
Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.
On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see
He didnt go down no chimbly
-just picked de lock on my do
An I says to myself-
Shit! He done did befo!
He had a big sack
full of presents I spect
With Air Jordans and Fake Gold
to go round my neck.
But he didnt leave any presents
-just started steelin my shit
He got my drugs, my stoled guns
an even my burglars kit!
With his sack on his back
Out de winder he flew
I sho woulda catched em,
but he stole my knife too!
He jumped on dat watermelon cadi
and pulled out a switch
He was gone in a second
dat son-of-a-bitch
I sho hope nex year
a white Sanny we git
Cause de black Sanny Claws
jus aint wuf a shit!!
You might be a redneck if…
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
Dear God,
Please make me more tactful.
By the way, I think Lucifer did a good job of overthrowing you– I admire his courage and strength!
Oh, I also predict he will become more powerful than you sometime in the coming millenium or so!
No hard feelings! I was just speaking the truth of what I felt! See ya around!
*big grin*