Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate!

1. The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

2. Under same management for over 2,000 years.

3. Soul food served here.

4. Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk.

5. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

6. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!

7. Dont wait for the hearse to take you to church.

8. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock.

9. Dont give up. Moses was once a basket case!

10. Come early for a good seat in the back.

11. Life has many choices! Eternity has two. Whats yours?

12. Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

13. A mans character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

14. K-mart isnt the only saving place!

15. Preach the gospel at all times … Use words only if necessary.

16. Delay is preferable to error.

17. Its hard to stumble when youre on your knees.

18. What part of THOU SHALT NOT dont you understand?

19. A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

20. The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday!

21. Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.

22. Cant sleep? Try counting your blessings.

23. Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

24. May is Gods apology for February.

25. To belittle is to be little.

26. Dont let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you.

27. God answers knee mail.

28. Try Jesus. If you dont like Him, the devil will always take you back.

Stage 1 – SMART



This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.



Stage 2 – GOOD LOOKING



This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.



Stage 3 – RICH



This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesnt matter how much you bet cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.



Stage 4 – BULLET PROOF



You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, youre BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!



Stage 5 – INVISIBLE



This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because youre still SMART you know all the words.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher and share alike!

23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills.

Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont
understand.

Men never do evil so cheerfully and so completely as when they do so from
religious conviction.
— Blaise Pascal

To get to the other slide.

Lived here all your life? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Not yet.