Preheat oven, get out utensils and ingredients.
Remove blocks and toy autos from table.
Grease pan, crack nuts.
Measure two cups flour;
Remove babys hands from flour, wash flour off baby.
Remeasure flour.
Put flour, baking powder, salt in sifter.
Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on floor.
Get another bowl.
Answer doorbell.
Return to kitchen.
Remove babys hands from bowl.
Wash baby.
Answer phone.
Return.
Remove 1/4 inch salt from greased pan.
Look for baby.
Grease another pan.
Answer telephone.
Return to kitchen and find baby.
Remove babys hands from bowl.
Take up greased pan, find layer of nutshells in it.
Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table.
Wash kitchen floor, table, wall, dishes.
Call baker.
Lie down.
23
Jan
23
Jan
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, PULLOVER!
NO, the blonde yelled back, SCARF!
23
Jan
Q: If youve got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?
A: Kermit the Frogs undivided attention.
23
Jan
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach…
23
Jan
Yo mama so gross her pillow cries at night.
22
Jan
Q: How many Caidans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. They cant figure out what to wear to change one.
22
Jan
A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, May I buy you a drink?
Okay, she said, but it wont do you any good.
A little later, he asks, May I buy you another drink?
Okay, she said again, but it wont do you any good.
He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, Okay, but you know it wont do you any good.
They get to his apartment and he says, You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife.
Oh, well thats different….
she says.
Send her in!
22
Jan
What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he leaves the factory?
Two Test Tickles
22
Jan
Dentro de muchos muchos años, está Dios sentado en su trono y como esta solo y aburrido decide que quiere que dos personajes de la historia de la humanidad se sienten a su lado, para lo cual hace poner un asiento a su izquierda y otro a su derecha.
Luego de pensarlo mucho Dios arma una terna que esta formada por Bill Clinton, Jhon Lennon y Carlos Menem, ex presidente de Argentina, de los cuales uno de ellos se sentará a la derecha de Dios y otro a la izquierda. Para decidir quienes serán Dios decide hacerles preguntas a los candidatos a cerca de sus creencias.
Pasa Clinton primero y Dios desde su trono le pregunta:
Clinton, digame ¿qué cree usted?
Y Clinton responde:
Yo creo que en el mundo debe triunfar la democracia, la lucha por los ideales, que cada uno debe buscar justicia e igualdad y la verdad. Creo que hay que luchar por un mundo más solidario.
Dios conforme con la respuesta le dice que se siente a su derecha. Luego pasa Lennon y Dios le pregunta:
Lennon, digame ¿qué cree usted?
Lennon le contesta:
Yo creo en la paz en el mundo, en la hermandad de los hombres, creo en el amor y en la fraternidad
Dios muy contento con la respuesta le dice a Lennon que se siente a su izquierda. Por último pasa Carlos Menem y Dios se da cuenta de que ya no hay mas lugares pero para ser justo igual le pregunta:
Y usted Menem, ¿que cree?
A lo cual Menem le contesta:
Yo creo que usted está sentado en mi lugar.
22
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Istvan!
Istvan who?
Istvan to be alone!