02
Nov

Three Wishes

Three Wishes

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when poof a genie appeared.

This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.

I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, says the guy. The genie wasnt sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.

Guy, the genie said, You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. Whats your second wish.

Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile.

Thats easy, Guy, says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.

The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl– nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy couldnt think of what he wanted to use his final wish for.

Genie, the guy said, I cant think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later.

Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I cant escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when youre ready, and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp.

The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.

After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio.

Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener ….

02
Nov

Air Head on a Beer

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house.

02
Nov

Top signs your Amish teen is in touble

1. Stays in bed past 5am
2. When you critize him he yells thou sucketh
3. You find his stash of colored socks.
4. He wears his big black hat backwards.
5. He has pictures of women not wearing bonnets
6. Uses slang expresions – talk to the hand cuz the beard aint listening
7. Shows up to barn raising in KISS make-up
8. Says if I had a radio, Id listen the gangster rap

02
Nov

Blonde and Picture

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? A: So she could use it as a mirror.

02
Nov

You Might Be A Redneck If…Reunion

You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women!

01
Nov

Q: How many post-doctoral

Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but itll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.

01
Nov

Viagra Quickies 3

Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: Ive been using this stuff for a week and NOTHING! Its the worst suppository Ive ever used.

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.

Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.

New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise right up.

For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, theyre raising the dead!

The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.

Its been said that if you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time, things work great — but you look like Don King, afterward.

A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking for two hardened criminals. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.

Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems – they couldnt close his coffin lid for 3 days.

Even so, were told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs means an upswing in business.

01
Nov

Knock Knock Whos there? Pharaoh! Pharaoh who? Pharaoh enough!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Pharaoh!
Pharaoh who?
Pharaoh enough!

01
Nov

Thisll Keep you occupied

This is a real joke



(Its in Morse code)











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01
Nov

Question and answer blonde joke

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.