Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo (Mexican President) are in France in a restaurant.

The waiter asks le apperitif? All of them answer oui!



The waiter looks at Zedillo Le tequila? Zedillo: oui!



The waiter looks at Yeltsin Le vodka? Yeltsin: oui!



Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton Le whisky? Clinton: DONT MENTION THAT BITCH !!!

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.

The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies, Ill have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass.

The barman looks at the guy puzzled but says nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.

A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.

The barman gets the drinks and says, its probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think its very fair for him to call you that.

The woman turns to him and smiles and says…


Oh, dont worry, its ok – heaw, heaw, he always calls me that!

Compaq is considering changing the command Press Any Key to Press Return Key because of the flood of calls asking where the Any key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldnt read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her efective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldnt get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the send key.

Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was bad and an invalid. The tech explained that the computers bad command and invalid responses shouldnt be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldnt get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens. The foot pedal turned out to be the computers mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldnt work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked What power switch?

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

How do you start a mexican parade?

Roll a quarter down a street.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Reality? Thats where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

Does it hurt to crack a joke?
Did you ever have measles – and if so – how many?
Do they have coffee breaks in tea companys?
Do you call a plumbers assistant a drainee?
Do you know why days break and night falls?

Q: Whats delaying the hillbilly space program?

A: Development of a working match.