A guy walks into a bar, and sees his best friend sitting there, getting drunk.
When he asks what the problem is, the friend says When I make love to my wife, she just lays there. Ive tried everything, but she doesnt moan, doesnt scream, doesnt even move
The guy pats his friend on the back and says Yeah, she does that with me, too.
21
May
21
May
Hard drive — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
Keyboard —- Place to hang your truck keys.
Window —— Place in the truck to hang your guns.
Floppy —— When you run out of Polygrip.
Modem ——- How you got rid of your dandelions.
ROM ——— Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
Byte ——– First word in a kiss-off phrase.
Reboot —— What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
Network —– Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
Mouse ——- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
LAN ——– To borrow as in, Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.
Cursor —— What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
bit ——— A wager as in, I bit you cant spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.
digital control — What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
packet —— What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
21
May
Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, I can do that!
21
May
It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
21
May
My husband has always taken the time to make love to me in a very romantic atmosphere.
In fact, all our kids were conceived during Miller Lite commercials.
21
May
Q: What do you call, when a baby has forks in his eyes?
A: 9-1-1
21
May
The bartender smiles as the grasshopper sits down. The grasshopper orders a drink, and the bartender says, You know, we have a drink named after you.Oh really? You mean you have a drink named Steve?
21
May
One day Temel came to Istanbul and got into a boat from Haydarpasa. While they were sailing, the boat started to shake and Temels suitcase fell into the water.
An old fisherman said, If you were careful enough, this would not have happened. What will you do now?
Temel answered in a quiet way, Do not worry, the keys are still with me.
20
May
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Juan!
Juan who!
Juan to hear some more of these?
20
May
A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get those feelings again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear…
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?