You might be a redneck if…
Youve never paid for a haircut.
15
Jan
15
Jan
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God!
15
Jan
You think proletariat is a type of cheese.
Youre a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
Youve ever uttered the phrase, Why dont we just bomb the sons of bitches.
Youve ever said, I cant wait to get into business school.
You answer to The Man.
You dont think The Simpsons is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You fax the FBI a list of Commies in my Neighborhood.
You dont let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of sexual deviance.
You scream Dit-dit-ditto while making love.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
Youve ever said Clean air? Looks clean to me.
You spend free time reading The Bell Curve.
Youve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesnt want to contribute to society.
14
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Uta!
Uta who?
Uta sight, uta mind!
14
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Alfie!
Alfie who?
Alfie terrible if you leave!
14
Jan
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: Here lies my wife…..cold as ever
Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: Here lies my husband…..stiff at last
14
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Isaiah!
Isaiah who?
Isaiah nothing till you open this door!
14
Jan
If at first you dont succeed, transform your dataset.
14
Jan
An aggie, one of the elderly types, proceeded to try out
for a part in a local College Station play. Sympathizing
with his zeal for the part, the cast director agreed to
include him in it, but under two conditions, hed better do
a heck of good job, and he would only get one line in the
entire play: Hark! the cannon just fired!
So the elderly aggie goes home, brags to all his friends about it,
and continually yells:
Hark! the cannon just fired!
Hark! the cannon just fired!
Finally on the night of the performace, during the highlight of
the play, the booming sound of a menacing cannon shakes the
entire theatre, the audience, in complete awe and silence…
At the top of his lungs the aggie shouts:
What the hell was that?!
14
Jan
Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the
tambourine, chant, and sing.