HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0
to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the
implications of this change…
For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled
to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal
and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system
administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and
demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of
interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes
without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband
1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to
be running processes which you have not authorised. If this happens
alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and
severely limit demand for extra bytes.
Every evening there will be a huge surge in demand for megabytes and if
not satisfied, the process will become unresponsive and has been known
on occasion to damage hardware.
Every so often you will be promised a new release of the program, but
unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally found to
be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes and
most of the same old annoying bugs which you were undoubtedly promised
would not be there in the new release. Put up with it or discontinue use
entirely. Husband 1.0 is a flawed program; many of the bugs are so
deeply encoded that, even if they can be located, they are inpossible to
eradicate and have to be tolerated.
Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language and may not
understand higher level commands so you must be prepared to use basic
functions when required. Often a few robust algorithms in handshaking
mode will produce a good response.
After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more space than
originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing down
correspondingly. If this happens, be very careful as there is increased
risk of complete system failure. Around this time, Husband 1.0 will also
tend to lose bits from the top of the stack, although these will often
multiply and be found lower down the stack.
Another problem with this program is that Husband 1.0 can also spawn
unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear, make
huge demands on the program and force unwanted interaction with old
versions of 1.nightstand.
Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before you have
the required result. This generally results in spawned processes
scattered over your system which must be located and removed. More often
than not, however, Husband 1.0 will appear to take an inordinately long
time to complete a relatively simple process. While waiting for tedious
processes to complete you may find it useful to distract yourself by
perusing manuals for alternative programs, Stud 2.0 or Lover 6.9
On completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently apply
the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ. There is
nothing you can do in this case, but leave the program and try again
later.
Ultimately, as the program becomes older, it will become more difficult
to produce hardcopy, and you will find that most of you work ends up on
floppies. In addition, you will be needing software support more often
than youd like. If and when this happens, try to find a copy of Toyboy
1.1. Make sure you have used Ctrl ZZ on Husband 1.0 before loading
Toyboy 1.1 and, of course, check for viruses before using any new
program. Toyboy 1.1 should come with new hardware which can be plugged
into any of your ports.
A priest is sitting in his confessional and hears an old mans voice on the other side of the screen. The old man says, Father, Im eighty-one years old, Ive been married to the same woman for fifty-four years, and have always been faithful. But yesterday, I made wild, passionate love with a pair of lovely eighteen-year-old twin sisters.
The priest asks, When was the last time you went to confession?
The old man replies, Never … Im Jewish.
The priest is puzzled. Then why did you come here today to tell me this?
The old man says, Oh … heck … Im telling everybody!!!
Bills all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting
in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he
kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder,
and he turns around to see a big black bear.
The black bear says Youve got 2 choices. One, I maul you to
death or Two, we have sex. Bill bends over for the bear.
Hes sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Bill
heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear
and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A
huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says,
That was a big mistake. Youve got 2 choices, Either I maul you
to death or we have sex. Bill bends over.
He survives, but hes really hurting and takes quite a bit of
time to recover. Hes outraged. Sure enough, he heads back to
Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank
range. Theres a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an
enormous polar bear, and the polar bear says, You dont really
come here for the hunting, do you?
My favorite museum when I was growing up, the one that influenced me the most, was the Kit Carson Museum.
It was really impressive because right away when you walked in what you saw was this case with two human skulls in it, dramatically presented.
One skull was larger and had a label stating The Skull of Kit Carson. That was really something.
Then, to the side, there was this smaller skull with a label that said The Skull of Kit Carson as a Boy …
Q:What do monica lewinsky and a vending machine
have in common
A:they both say insert bill here
Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing that the GLC, working for London, is going to change the lightbulb.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
El iluso recién casado pregunta a su más que buenÃsima mujer:
Oye, mi reina adorada, ¿aún conservas tu virginidad?
Claro que no, mi amor, ¡pero aquà está el estuchito en que venÃa!
Breve lección tomada del curso Ecuador sin barreras
El Ecuatoriano no se cae: se va de oreja, se va de trompa, se saca la madre, se hace mierda, se saca la chucha.
El Ecuatoriano no vigila: te chekea, te sapea, te lookea o esta de ojo seco.
El Ecuatoriano no se burla: te huevea, te chacharea, te jode, te batracea, o te ve la cara de pendejo.
El Ecuatoriano no se enamora: se encamota, se emperra, se calzonea, se mete o se clava.
El Ecuatoriano no te convence: te hace el mudo, te baila, te engatusa, te entuca, te lambonea o te cepilla.
El Ecuatoriano no enamora o conquista: tira los perros, mete labia o calienta oreja .
El Ecuatoriano no se enoja: se come mierda, se arrecha, se emputa o se cabrea.
El ecuatoriano no tiene amigos: tiene panas, profeshores, compreshores yuntas, socios, ñaños, primos o brothers
El Ecuatoriano no te golpea: te saca la chucha!, te saca la madre!, te saca la puta!, te saca el cebo!… o te lanza a sus panas.
El Ecuatoriano no tiene amantes: Tiene culitos, tiene agarres, tiene vaciles, tiene peladas, o tiene hembras.
El ecuatoriano no hace brindis: el chupa, se pica, se embala y después se empluta o se chuma y hace huevadas.
El ecuatoriano no tiene pareja: el bacila, se amarra, se anda en huevadas o cojudea.
El ecuatoriano no se viste elegante: se encachina, se pone elegance, se turquea, esta pintero o se pone la dominguera.
El ecuatoriano no pregunta si algo anda mal, dice: que te agarró?, que puctas te anda pasando?, que es que andas medio cojudo? O que estás con cara de mudo?
El ecuatoriano no dice no me molestes, dice: Andate a la verga, métete el dedo por el culo, anda a joderle a tu mama o no me jodas o te saco la puta!!!.
El ecuatoriano no te roba: te baja, te chorea, te gana, te patea algo o te deja chiro.
El Ecuatoriano no sale deprisa: sale hecho un pedo, sopla, se embala o va hecho un culo.
El Ecuatoriano no se retira: se la saca, se hace el loco, se marchita, se margina o se baraja o se asoma profeshor.
El Ecuatoriano no dice cosas sin sentido: habla huevadas, habla pendejadas o habla por el culo.
El Ecuatoriano no dice ¡Ay! dice: CHUCHA!, ¡jueputa!, ¡verrrrrga!, tumadre, la puta que te parió o hijo de la valiente puta.
El ecuatoriano no dice adios, dice: topamos, me saco de esta huevada, ahà los vidrios, asomaraste, calabaza o no te perderás, asoma profeshor o chaolin.
El ecuatoriano no se asusta: se pone a parir vacas, monos, sapos, culebras y elefantes o a sudar piedras.
El ecuatoriano no miente: te mete el dedo,te dice huevadas, te fabulea o te cree cojudo.
El ecuatoriano no te insulta: te manda a la verga, te putea, o le cambia de nombre a tu madre.
El Ecuatoriano no besa: mama, cobra, come, mete lengua o chupa muela.
El Ecuatoriano no se acuesta: culea, tira, come rico, forra, socotroquea, te da gato, se abre de patas o se pega un palo.
El Ecuatoriano no vive lejos: vive en la mierda, vive de la verga a la izquierda, vive donde los mosquitos usan repelente o vive en la casa de la pinga, donde vive la Fat…, o donde el frio sale con poncho!!!
Computer Heaven and Hell
In computer heaven the management is from Intel,
the design and construction is done by Apple,
the marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
and Gateway determines the pricing.
In computer hell the management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
the support is from Gateway, and
Intel sets the price.