A guy is standing in front of his locker at the country club admiring a golf ball in his hand. One of his golfing buddies says to him, new ball?The guy responds, would you believe this the greatest ball ever made? You cant lose it! You hit it into the rough and it whistles. You hit it into the woods and a bell goes off. You drive it into the lake and a burst of steam goes off for a whole two minutes!Thats amazing, says his friend, where did you get it?I found it. says the guy.
04
Apr
04
Apr
Q:What protection does a nymphomaniac use during sex?
A:A bus shelter.
04
Apr
A man is sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach is standing there. The cockroach immediately punches him between the eyes and scampers off. The next evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there again. This time, it punches him, kicks him and karate chops him before running away. The third evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there yet again. It leaps at him and stabs him several times before making off. The gravely injured man manages to crawl to the telephone and summon an ambulance. He is rushed to intensive care and they save his life. The next morning, the doctor is doing his rounds. He asks our hero what happened, so the man explains about the 6 foot cockroachs attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thinks for a moment and says, Yes, there is a nasty bug going around.
03
Apr
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.
How’s business? asked the first.
Rotten, replied the other. Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper.
03
Apr
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
03
Apr
Why dont chicken wear underpants?
Because their peckers on their face!
03
Apr
Un indio se iba a casar con una chica blanca que casualmente se llamaba también Blanca. Por la diferencia de razas, la madre le dice a su hija: No te puedes casar con ese indio.
Y la hija le responde: Pero si yo lo amo, y el tambien me ama y nos vamos a casar.
La madre le dice: si él de verdad te ama, dile que te compre todas las tierras del norte
y las ponga a tu nombre…
La hija llorando va a contárselo al indio y le dice: Mi madre dice que para poder casarnos debes comprarme las tierras del norte y ponerlas a mi nombre.
El indio le contesta: Yo amar a Blanca… poder comprar tierras del norte y ponerlas a tu nombre.
Blanca va y le dice a su madre: El indio me compró las tierras del norte, ahora sà nos vamos a casar…
Aún no, si ese indio te ama de verdad dile que también te compre las tierras del sur y las ponga a tu nombre.
La chica le cuenta al indio y el indio le dice: Yo amar a Blanca, poder comprar
tierras del sur.
La chica va contenta y le cuenta a su madre y la señora muy desesperada, sin saber que hacer para impedir que se casen, le dice: si en verdad te quieres casar con ese indio, su pene debe medir medio metro…
Y la chica llorando le dice: pero madre nadie en el mundo la tiene de ese tamaño, y su madre le responde: ¡entonces no te casas!
La chica va y con mucha pena le cuenta al indio: Mi madre dice que para casarnos tu pene
debe medir ¡MEDIO METRO!
El indio se queda pensando mucho tiempo… y finalmente le dice:
Yo amar a Blanca… ¡PODER CORTARME UN PEDAZO!
03
Apr
Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks youre an asshole.
03
Apr
Two bats were out one night looking for blood, but after a few hours of unsuccessful huntingthey decided to go home.In the wee hours of the morning, one of the bats was so hungry he had to go out hunting again.An hour later he came back all covered in blood.
Where did you get that blood ?said the other bat, full of enevy.
Come and Ill show you.So out they went into the night.
See that tree over there?said the bat covered in blood.
Yeah.
Well I didnt!
03
Apr
Una pareja de cubanitos va a casarse en una semana.
El cubanito dice: Oye chica, ya eh tiempo de que me permitah un brinquito, chica, estoy que me muero.
A lo que la chica contesta: Ya, chico. No insistah que sólo faltan 7 dias.
Dos dÃas después el cubanito insiste: Mira, mi ñiña. Sólo faltan cinco diitah, por favor, echemoh un brinquito, chica.
No, chico, no. Solo faltan 5 dÃah.
Por favor, chica, por lo menoh una tocadita, anda deja tocarte.
No chico, no. Son solo 5 dÃah.
Dos dÃas antes de la boda, ni modo que el cubanito se resigne: ¡Anda chica, ya estamoh prácticamente casadoh mi alma! Anda, una tocadita, aunque sea.
A lo que la chica responde: Ay mi negro, deverah que quiero, pero no chico, aguanta…
El cubano interrumpiendo le dice: Mira chica, aunque sea sólo verte, deja verte… anda… o una olidita, nomah, ¡eso! una olidita nomah…
A lo que ella dice: Ok, chico, ok. Pero sólo una olidita, ¿eh? y ya nomah.
El negrito se acerca, cerrando los ojos huele un par de veces y con cara extrañada, exclama:
¡Oye chica! ¿y tu creeh que esto dure para pasado mañana?