The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, I cant believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!
The magistrate looked at him and replied, And you must be whats passing through.
And now a parable relating to graduate work: THE RABBIT: A FABLE
One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the weather. The day was so nice that the rabbit became careless, so a fox sneaked up to her and caught her.
I am going to eat you for lunch!, said the fox.
Wait!, replied the rabbit, You should at least wait a few days.
Oh yeah? Why should I wait?
Well, I am just finishing my Ph.D. thesis.
Hah, thats a stupid excuse. What is the title of your thesis anyway?
I am writing my thesis on The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.
Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit.
Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come to my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch.
You are really crazy! But since the fox was curious and nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit into its hole. The fox never came back out.
A few days later, the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to eat her.
Wait!, yelled the rabbit,You cannot eat me right now.
And why might that be, you fuzzy appetizer?
I am almost finished writing my Ph.D. thesis on The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.
The wolf laughed so heard that it almost lost its hold on the rabbit. Maybe I shouldnt eat you, you really are sick in the head, you might have something contagious, the wolf opined.
Come read for yourself, you can eat me after that if you disagree with my conclusions. So the wolf went to the rabbits hole and never came out.
The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the lettuce fields. Another rabbit came by and asked, Whats up? You seem to be very happy..
Yup, I just finished my dissertation.
Congratulations! What is it about?
It is titled The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves
Are you sure? That doesnt sound right.
Oh yes, you should come over and read it for yourself.
So they went together to the rabbits hole. As they went in, the friend saw a typical graduate student abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis.
The computer with the the controversial dissertation was in one corner, on the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left was a pile of wolf bones, and in the middle was a large, lip-licking lion.
The moral of the story:
The title of your dissertation doesnt matter.
All that matters is who your thesis advisor is.
Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw them out.
I will not let this vote count stand.
I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun.
Lets count them upside down this time.
Lets count until the state is mine.
I will not let this vote count stand.
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
Im really ticked, Im in a snit.
You have not heard the last of it.
Ill count the ballots one by one.
And hold each one up to the sun.
Ill count, recount, and count some more.
Youll grow to hate this little chore.
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand.
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
I wont leave office, Im stayin here.
Ive glued my desk chair to my rear.
Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba, too,
all telling me that I should sue.
We find the Electoral College vile.
Re-count the votes until I smile.
We do not want this vote to stand.
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I had skylights installed at my place the other day…the people
that live upstairs are really mad!
What is the difference between pink and purple?
The grip, man, its all in the grip!
A HAM AND CHEESE SAMWHICH WALKS IN A BAR A GOS UP TO THE BAR TENDER AND ASKS FOR A DRINK AND THE BAR TENDER SAYS SORRY WE DONT SEVIRE FOOD.
A: How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
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.
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A: She fell out of the tree.
Un individuo solicita trabajo en una fábrica como operador de máquinas, y es atendido por el jefe de operaciones, quien le da indicaciones acerca de cómo operar esa máquina:
Con tu mano derecha, oprimes el botón verde; con la izquierda oprimes el rojo y con los pies, le das presión a las palancas que se encuentran en el piso. Por último, cuando hagas presión te inclinarás hacia arriba para impulsar el botón de arranque del motor.
Entonces, en tono irónico, el solicitante le insinúa al capataz que por qué no le da también una escoba para metérsela en el culo, y asà tener siempre limpio su lugar de trabajo.
Signs youve been playing HALO (for XBOX) too long.
-You call your friends by their character name instead of their real name.
-You cant remember your friends real names.
-You believe that the Earth is one huge ring instead of a ball.
-You cansantly attempt to pistol-whip people.
-You begin to wonder where the needler and rocket launcher are on campus.
-You refer to your car as a warthog.
-You attempt to mount a gatling gun onto the back of your car.
Goebels Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.