AT&T announced last week it will lay off up to 8,000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding.
11
Sep
11
Sep
Judge: Well, Tawanda, as I understand the charges, your man, Tyrone came home drunk the other night and violated you. And you want him put away for a while.
Tawanda: Not exactly, your Honor. He did as you say, but then hed done that many times before. This time, when he was done violating me, he went and grabbed little Annie with the glasses and violated her!
Judge: Oh, I see. I guess that would be the last straw!
Tawanda: Oh, no your Honor. Hed done that twice before, also. The last straw was when he put little Annies glasses on his violator and said, Look around big boy and see if you missed anybody!
11
Sep
Un dÃa caminaba un señor por uno de los pasillos del Hospital Psiquiátrico con el doctor de turno. Mientras caminaba, ve a un hombre en una silla de ruedas muy melancólico y desolado que lloraba afanadamente y se quejaba exclamando una y otra vez: ¡Ay Loló!, ¡por qué me dejaste Loló!
Entonces el señor le pregunta al doctor:
Doctor ¿y a ese hombre qué le pasó?
FÃjese usted que ese señor se iba a casar, ya tenÃa todo lo de la boda listo y planeado y justo en el momento de la boda, la novia no apareció y lo dejó plantado. Desde ese dÃa ha estado asÃ.
Siguen caminando el señor y el doctor. Más adelante pasan por otro de los pasillos y ve el señor que va con el doctor a un hombre con camisa de fuerza que se pegaba una y otra vez contra la pared, entonces el señor le pregunta al doctor:
Doctor ¿y a ese qué le pasó?
¡Ah no, pues ese fue el que se casó con Loló!
11
Sep
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
11
Sep
What do you call a Black man in Thailand?
A Tycoon.
11
Sep
There is an English, Irish and Scotsman on a plane flying over Europe. Suddenly
they are in the midst of a massive storm. Lightning rears its ugly head and
strikes the planes wings. The plane begins its final spiraling decent towards
the ground.
At this point the pilot leaps out wearing the only parachute. This causes the
three terrified men do go down on their knees and pray like never before.
Just then the LORD appears….
Your prayers have been answered! Since you have all been good christians
I give you one more chance at life! Jump from the plane and whatever you say
you shall become! So be it!
And with that he was gone.
The Englishman ran for the exit and leapt out….
A bird! The Englishman turned into a beautiful Eagle and soared safely
towards the ground where he became a man again.
The Scotsman leapt out ….
A….Parachute! The Scotsman floated gently to the ground where he
returned
to normal form.
The Irish man ran towards the exit and tripped and stumbled head first out of
the plane…
Shit………..
11
Sep
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, Lord, I have a
problem!
Whats the problem, Eve?
Lord, I know youve created me and have provided this beautiful garden
and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but
Im just not happy.
Why is that, Eve? came the reply from above.
Lord, I am lonely. And Im sick to death of apples.
Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you.
Whats a man, Lord?
This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All
in all, hell give you a hard time. But, hell be bigger and faster and
more muscular than you. Hell be really good at fighting and kicking a
ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in
the sack.
Sounds great, says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
Yeah, well. Hes better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But,
you can have him on one condition.
Whats that, Lord?
Youll have to let him believe that I made him first.
11
Sep
– Snowflakes.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
11
Sep
I was in the waiting room of my doctors office the other day when the doctor started yelling, Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles! I went up to the nurse and asked her what was going on.
She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots.
11
Sep
(From a friend of mine who heard it at work:)
A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would
come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some
more–would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take
care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly,
Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?
Her husband snarled, What do I look like? The Ty-D-Bol® man? and sat down
on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldnt work. When her husband got home,
she said, very nicely, Honey, the disposal wont work. Would you try to fix
it for me?
Once again, he growled, What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home,
she steeled her courage and said, Honey, the washer isnt running. Would you
check on it? and again was met with a snarl, What do I look like? The Maytag
repairman?
Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three
repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her
husband got home, she said, Honey, I had the repairmen out today.
He frowned, Well, how much is that going to cost?
Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having
sex with them.
Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them? he asked.
She smiled. What do I look like? Betty Crocker?