Old and New Jokes

What is the difference between pink and purple?

The grip, man, its all in the grip!

A: How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?

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A: She fell out of the tree.

Un individuo solicita trabajo en una fábrica como operador de máquinas, y es atendido por el jefe de operaciones, quien le da indicaciones acerca de cómo operar esa máquina:

Con tu mano derecha, oprimes el botón verde; con la izquierda oprimes el rojo y con los pies, le das presión a las palancas que se encuentran en el piso. Por último, cuando hagas presión te inclinarás hacia arriba para impulsar el botón de arranque del motor.

Entonces, en tono irónico, el solicitante le insinúa al capataz que por qué no le da también una escoba para metérsela en el culo, y así tener siempre limpio su lugar de trabajo.

Signs youve been playing HALO (for XBOX) too long.



-You call your friends by their character name instead of their real name.





-You cant remember your friends real names.





-You believe that the Earth is one huge ring instead of a ball.





-You cansantly attempt to pistol-whip people.





-You begin to wonder where the needler and rocket launcher are on campus.





-You refer to your car as a warthog.





-You attempt to mount a gatling gun onto the back of your car.

Goebels Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.

Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.

Achesons Rule Of The Bureaucracy: A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. – Dean Acheson

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the Ws.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves,
for they shall never cease to be amused.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"