Old and New Jokes

Everyone has the same DNA.

There are three high school -aged boys walking down the street in Washington,
D.C. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he is about to be hit by
a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life.

Bill says, Thank you for saving my life. I will grant each of you one wish.

The first boy says, I want to go to Georgetown. Bill pulls some strings and
gets the boy admitted.

The second boy says, I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires a
Congressional appointment. Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and
gets the boy his appointment.

The third boy says, I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

Bill says, That is an odd request for a 17-year-old!

The boy says, Yes, but when my father finds out I saved your life he is going
to kill me!

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year
old daughter. Mother: What does the cow say? Child: Moooo! Mother: Great! What does the cat say? Child: Meow. Mother: Oh, youre so smart! What does the frog say?The wide-eyed little 3-year old looked up at her mother
and replied, Bud…

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadnt been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, We cant ship your new order until you pay for the last one.

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, Please cancel the order. We cant wait that long.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Why was OJs mom happy that OJ got out of jail before Thanksgiving?

He was the only one in the family that could carve white meat.

A guy walks into a bar in Oklahoma and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, You aint from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?

The guy says, Im from Iowa.



The bartender asks, What the heck you do in Iowa?



The guy responds, Im a taxidermist.



The bartender asks, A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?



The guy says nervously, I mount animals.



The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, Its okay boys, hes one of us!

This one girl was going to go on her first date, she was so excited that she called her grandma up to tell her the news. Grandma tells the girl when you go on your date the man is going to want to hold your hand and you will like this but dont let him do it.Then the man is going to touch your leg youll like that too but dont let him do it,then the man is going to try and get on top of you and youll like that but dont let him do it youll disgrace the family. So the girl listened and promised her grandma she would not do ant of those things.The next day the girl called and told her grandma, Grandma I did not let him do any of the things you told me about, so when he tried to get on top of me I got on top of him instead and disgraced his family.

Knock, knck

Who is it?





Nunya





Nunya who,





Nunya your buiseness

A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? And the father replied, I dont know, son, Im still paying for it.

A: Toes go in first.