Old and New Jokes

elephino!

There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager.



Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit… he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, … and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half.



The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. Where are you from? asked the store manager.



Lancaster, Pennsylvania, replied the clerk, home of ugly women and great hockey teams.



Oh, my WIFE is from Lancaster, challenged the manager.



Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, What team was she on?

1. Only the creator can understand the logic.2. No one understand the native tongue when computers talk with other computers.3. The warning Command or File name is incorrect, is just as helpful as If you dont know why Im angry at you, Im not going to tell you4. Your mistakes are stored in long-term memory, and can be recalled later on.5. The more you get acquainted with your computer, you realize your spending more and more of your salary on accessories.

These two blondes were walking on different sides of the street when the blonde on the left side asked the blonde on the right side,How do you get to the other side? The right side blonde replys,You stupid b#$*& you are on the other side!

Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?

A: Theres a face-off in the corner.

Controversial Egans Law Expected to Gain Widespread Support

Trenton, N.J. (SatireWire.com) — Under a new law designed to protect minors, local police departments will now be required to inform residents any time a known Roman Catholic church moves into their neighborhood.

The law also mandates that Catholic churches register with authorities, wear electronic monitoring devices, and be prohibited from moving to within a half-mile radius of a school.

A follow-up to Megans Law, enacted by New Jersey in 1994, the so-called Egans Law is named for Cardinal Edward Egan of New York and Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston, who are both accused of covering up sexual abuse by priests under their authority. Like Megans Law, Egans Law is expected to spread quickly to other states, but for parents in towns across New Jersey, its on the books none too soon.

Last year, we discovered that a Catholic Church had been in our neighborhood for 30 years! And nobody told us! said Ruth Harper of Redbrook, N.J. My sons used to walk by that church every day on their way to school. Even now I shudder to think of what might have happened.

I always told my kids to steer clear of that place, added neighbor Scott Carlyle. But thats because there were a lot of strange people going in and out at odd hours, even at midnight on Saturdays. I was worried it was some kind of druggie hangout.

To think the whole time it was a Roman Catholic Church. Now I know why they had all those stained glass windows — so nobody could look in.

Critics, however, charge that Egans Law is unconstitutional, specifically because it relies on religious profiling and is intended to safeguard only one segment of the population: young males. But State Sen. Carmela Truto, a Catholic who co-sponsored the bill, used church doctrine itself to prove only one segment needs protection.

In the Catholic Church, after 2,000 years, Mary is still a Virgin, she said. So clearly, theyre not interested in girls.

Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.

You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.

You save old kitchen appliances for childrens Christmas presents.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

– Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.

– Walt Disney didnt die. Hes in suspended animation.

– Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.

– Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

Q: Why cant the blonde make ice cubes?
A: She lost the recipe.

What did Clinton say when commenting on Monica?

She has the whitest teeth Ive ever cum across.