Old and New Jokes

Suffering from too much Licentiousness?

If youre oversexed, you should get married
Trust me, itll help ya taper off
Friend of mind always has sex on his mind
Once a month like clockwork, he gets a nosebleed
Girl I once knew was really quite a wild lil lover
She was able to whip up whitecaps on her waterbed
I remember one girl from high school sex class
She WAS the class homework every nite
Girl came down with a rare disability –
an ingrown mattress
Gifts are tuff to buy for this girl I know –
I mean, what can ya give someone whos had everyone
She was so gentle, wouldnt molest a fly –
unless it was open of course
She doesnt run after men any more –
now she roller blades
Men like her because of her vocabulary –
Yes is the greater part of it
For all of you non-smokers out there, trust me –
Theres nothing better before a cigarette than sex
Come to think of it, my Grandfather was right
Sex IS dirty – but only if you do it right !

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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

176. Invite the school President to sleepover.

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

You might be a redneck if…
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

A blonde sees a sign out front of a house offering pay for odd jobs. She knocks on the front door and an old man answers.Can I help you? he asks.I was wondering if I could do some work for you.Oh, of course. My porch is in need of a fresh coat of paint. I have paint right here, if you would be willing to paint it. Ill pay you ten dollars an hour.Sure. The blonde took the paint and the man went inside. After three hours or so, the blonde knocked on the front door again. All finished. The man paid her for her work, and then stepped outside to see her what she had done.The porch hadnt been touched!Wait, you didnt do anything!Oh, I left it in the garage. And by the way, thats a Ferrari, not a Porsche.

A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin.

Somebody asked her how that could be possible.

Well, she said. The first time I married an octogenarian and he

died before we could consummate the marriage.

The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our

wedding day.

The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just

sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was going

to be.

How to keep a Schmuck busy {Scroll down}

How to keep a Schmuck busy {Scroll up}

…when faced with a difficult decision, you begin searching frantically for a Save Point.
…whenever youre confused, you check the guidebook to see what to do next.
…if youre about to get into a fight, you try to look up your opponents HP.
…youre always peering into seemingly empty corners in search of hidden Draw Points.
…your dating policy is: if you arent polygonal, you arent my type.
…you think that large facial scars make people look intriguing.
…you tape a squirt gun onto your pocket knife, and go after your sisters iguana.
…you can pronounce words like @*#!!, ****
and … … ….
…when you laugh, you really do say mwa ha haa, and it actually frightens people.
…your collection of homemade Final Fantasy costumes arent just for Halloween.
…you have constructed a perfect replica of Clouds Buster Sword.
…you have to work out constantly, because that Buster Sword is just as heavy as it looks.
…you feed your pet cockatiels Zeio nuts in hopes of getting a gold one.
…your cockatiels can talk, but all youve taught them to say is wark.
…your parrot, whose cage is next to the TV, knows the lyrics to Eyes On Me by heart.
…you practice sinister facial expressions
in front of the mirror.
…facial hair on men is a turnoff.
…when your boss mispronounces your name, you threaten to rip his lungs out.
…you refuse to go to the circus, because youre deathly afraid of clowns.
…you laugh like Kefka.
(Uweeheeheeheehee!)
…you are arrested at the zoo for trying to sit on the ostriches.
…you never sleep in your bed—only in a small, square tent on the floor.
…youre depressed, because you know the only real men with silver hair are old and wrinkly.
…the hairspray company has started blocking your calls, because they are tired of you asking them to put Sephiroth in their commercials.
…when someone bothers you, you say s

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Roxanne Roxanne who? Roxanne corals sure do make this aquarium pretty.