An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk-rocker gets on. The punkrockers hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.
When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says Whats the matter old man? Didnt you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?
The old guy says in reply Yeah. One time I had sex with a parrot.
I thought maybe you were my kid. . .
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Says!
Says who?
Says me, thats who!
CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471
In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately.
RULES FOR THE SELECTION OF PASSWORDS:
1. A password must be at least six characters long, and must not contain two occurrences of a character in a row, or a sequence of two or more characters from the alphabet in forward or reverse order. Example: HGQQXP is an invalid password. GFEDCB is an invalid password.
2. A password may not contain two or more letters in the same position as any previous password. Example: If a previous password was GKPWTZ, then NRPWHS would be invalid because PW occurs in the same position in both passwords.
3. A password may not contain the name of a month or an abbreviation for a month. Example: MARCHBC is an invalid password. VWMARBC is an invalid password.
4. A password may not contain the numeric representation of a month. Therefore, a password containing any number except zero is invalid. Example: WKBH3LG is invalid because it contains the numeric representation for the month of March.
5. A password may not contain any words from any language. Thus, a password may not contain the letters A, or I, or sequences such as AT, ME, or TO because these are all words.
6. A password may not contain sequences of two or more characters which are adjacent to each other on a keyboard in a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal direction. Example: QWERTY is an invalid password. GHNLWT is an invalid password because G and H are horizontally adjacent to each other. HUKWVM is an invalid password because H and U are diagonally adjacent to each other.
7. A password may not contain the name of a person, place, or thing. Example: JOHNBOY is an invalid password.
Because of the complexity of the password selection rules, there is actually only one password which passes all the tests. To make the selection of this password simpler for the user, it will be distributed to all supervisors. All users are instructed to obtain this password from his or her supervisor and begin using it immediately.
Se encontraba un edificio en llamas, y los bomberos habÃan rescatado a casi todos los trabajadores menos uno, que era fisioculturista y al que llamaban el toro, que se habÃa quedado en la azotea.
Toda la gente frenética y asustada le gritaba al toro que saltara a la lona de los bomberos, pero el hombre, era muy miedoso y cada vez que intentaba saltar se arrepentÃa.
La gente le gritaba, para darle ánimo, Salta toro, salta toro.
Finalmente se animó y saltó, Vamos toro, vamos toro, decÃan todos al unÃsono.
Y cuando iba a llegar a rebotar con la lona, los bomberos la hicieron a un lado diciendo, Oooooleeeeeeee torooo.
Q:What do you give an injured lemon?
A:Lemonade
I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.
A priest was in the confessional booth with a fairly long line of people
waiting for their confession. The priest had to go to the bathroom
something awful and couldnt hold it for another minute. Not wanting to
upset all of the people in line, he frantically looked out the
back door for another priest to help him out but there wasnt a priest
to be found.
Suddently the janitor pushed his broom past the back of the booth and
the priest grabbed him and said, You just gotta help me out. I have to
go to the bathroom and the line is so long.
Its very simple, said the Priest.There on the wall is a chart …
column A lists the sins and column B lists the penance. Just find the
sin on the chart and tell them what their penance is.
The janitor agreed that it sounded pretty simple and wanted to help the
holy Father so he agreed to fill in for the priest in the booth while
the priest hurried away to the bathroom.
The very next person in line entered the booth and began … Forgive me
Father for I have sinned. Its been two weeks since my last
confession. Last night I let my next door neighbors wife give me a
blow job. Thats it, Father.
The janitor looked at the chart but got frantic when he couldnt find
blow job anywhere on the chart. Panicking, he opened the back door to
look for a Priest but there was still not a Priest to be found.
Suddenly, the altar boy walked by and the janitor grabbed him and
stammered, Quick, what does the father give for a blow job?
Two snickers and a Coke, replied the boy.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both sit at the bar and proceed to drink the night away. After a while, the plastered giraffe passes out and falls to the floor. The guy continues to drink and after a while, gets up and heads for the door. The Barternter stops him, points to the giraffe, and says, Hey, you going to leave that lyin there? And the man looks at the giraffe, then the bartender, the giraffe, then the bartender, back to the giraffe, then to the bartender and says, Thats not a lion, thats a giraffe.
Two drunks were stumbling home along a pair of railway tracks.The first drunk says, Theres a hell of a lot of steps here.The second drunk says, Ill tell you whats worse, this hand rail is bloody low down
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.