A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say hes still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin)
03
Nov
03
Nov
Her feet!
03
Nov
Stages of Life
THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox
AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 tongue 25 breakfast 35 She didnt set back my therapy. 48 I didnt have to meet her kids. 66 Got home alive.
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY 17 getting to third 25 airplane sex 35 menage a trois 48 taking the company public 66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE WHATS THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 17
AGE IDEAL DATE 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25 Split the check before we go back to my place 35 Just come over. 48 Just come over and cook. 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
03
Nov
EK baar ek plane mein ek muslim, ek hindu, ek sardar aur ek american ja rahe hain. Suddenly plane ka ek engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they find out that there are no parachutes on the plane.
Sardar being a little bold sochta hai saale marna to hai hi why not try something, vo apni turban kholta hai aur dono ends pakad ke jump laga deta hai. Luckily idea kaam kar jaata hai aur vo float karne lag jaata hai.
Seeing this hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating. Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes Americans turn Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered baniyan type T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps.
Now he starts falling very quickly.
On the way to the ground he passes the Mohammedan, Who says Allah tumhari khair kare, then he passes Pandit. Pandit says Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare.
Now when he quickly passes Sardar, Sardar says accha race lagana hai, to le and he lets go of the turban.
03
Nov
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you cant get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when theyre busy. Climb your way to the top, thats why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, I care.
02
Nov
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Eleven. One to change it and ten to follow the trend.
02
Nov
Tres amigos van al burdel y solicitan:
Queremos tres mujeres.
Sólo tenemos dos disponibles, informa el encargado.
Pues al tonto éste dele una muñeca hinchable.
Al dÃa siguiente, los tres comentan sus experiencias:
La mÃa era de lo mejor, presume el primero.
¡La mÃa cómo bailaba el polvo horizontal! alardea el segundo.
¡Pues la mÃa era bruja: le mordà una teta y salió volando!, afirma el tonto.
02
Nov
Mrs. Riley, you say you divorced your husband 6 years ago, but you have a newborn infant and children 1, 2, 3, and 4 years old. How come?
Well, every year, he comes back to apologize.
02
Nov
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
02
Nov
The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands
downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
Twenty bucks for a blowjob, at which point the passerby and the woman promptly
went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another
streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman,
much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, Twenty bucks for a
blowjob, at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where
the abbot couldnt see what was going on. Still not knowing what a blowjob
was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so
he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. Mother
superior, he asked, whats a blowjob?
Twenty bucks, same as downtown!
Submitted by Richard McKewen <CL100442 @ ULKYVX> (BITNET)