Old and New Jokes

Q: What do you call a prostitute that doesnt

care about money?





A: A blonde

A pregnant woman with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetricians office. After the exam, she shyly said, My husband wants me to ask you something…, to which the doctor replies I know…I know… placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy. No, thats not it, the woman confessed. He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.

Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Words can not describe the deep feelings I have for you …
But Bitch comes pretty close.

Yo mama so poor your family has to eat cereal with a fork to save milk!

My wife was filling out the medical claim form to pre-register for her
pregnancy (thank you very much!), and one particular section went like this:

What is the nature of the claim: Pregnancy

Is the claim related to your employment? Yes

What is your job? Homemaker

Q: Whats the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A:


Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldnt speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, Hi, Grandma, youre looking good! How are they treating you?

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew…They wont let me fart.

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

Dont worry. Someday your prints will come.