Old and New Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldnt get Hearing Aids.

In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system. Please fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for Help. With your co-operation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM

1. Describe your problem:

______________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

______________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

____________________________-_________________________

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__

B. Minor__

C. Minor__

D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__

B. Frozen__

C. Hung__

D. Shot__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

11. Are you sure youve read the manual? Yes__ No__

12. Are you absolutely certain youve read the manual? No__

13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

14. If Yes then why cant you fix the problem yourself?

______________________________________________________

15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?

______________________________________________________

16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem

occurred?

______________________________________________________

17. If nothing explain why you were logged in.

______________________________________________________

18. Are you sure you arent imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

19. How does this problem make you feel?

_____________________________________________________

20. Tell me about your childhood.

_____________________________________________________

21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__

22. Cant you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__

First, there were 🙂 smiley emoticons.

Then there were (_)(_) butt emoticons.

Now, there are (.)(.) emoti-boobies!
 

(.)(.)Boobies
( . )( . )Bigger Boobies
( O )( O )Pamela Anderson-Lee boobies
(,)(,)Boobies with pierced nipples
. .Very Little Boobies
( * )( * )Implanted Boobies (very pert)
( ) ( )Nursing Mom boobies
(^)(^)Madonna Boobies
–.-.–Teeny Bikini Boobies
–(.)-(.)–Regular Bikini Boobies
–( . )-( . )–Mondo Bikini Boobies
x xNo boobies
(/)(/)Feminist Boobies
()()Wonder bra Boobies

A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf together. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, That dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt? Somersaults, says the man. Somersaults?! says the friend, Thats incredible. How many does he do? Hmmm, says the man. That depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.

A kid comes home from school and his mother asks him, How was school son?

He replies, It wasnt good at all Mom, I had sex with my teacher.

She blows up and tells him to go imediately to his room.

His father comes home and walks into his room to find he is looking at some porno mags and says to his son, You had sex with your teacher son?

Kid replies, Yeah it wasnt good.

The father says, Well your only 14 years old and you have done a good job. Well go tomorrow and get that new bike you have always wanted.

They go the next day and get the bike.

Then the father asks him, Do you want to ride it home or just put it in the back of the truck?

The kid replies, I better just put it in the back of the truck.

They get into the truck and the father asks his son, So why didnt you wanna ride it home?

The son tells him, Because Mr. Green got me in the butt pretty hard yesterday.

What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?

Its butt!

Two English crooks paid £1000 for £10000 worth of forged currency. When they checked their purchase they found that the forgeries were unfortunately in £6 and £13 denominations!

Having decided that the only place they would successfully get rid of the dud money would be in Ireland, they jumped onto the boat and made their way to a pub in deepest Co. Kerry.

The barman drew their 2 pints of the black stuff, and one of the crooks nonchalantly asked Will you accept £6 or £13 sterling notes? I havent anything smaller?.

The barman cheerfully replied Ah sure thatll be fine … now would you be wanting yer change in £2 or £9 notes?

A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with her mother, eating a twinkie, and anxiously awaiting her first hair cut. When her turn comes, she brings her twinkie with her to the chair, and the barber covers her. Soon, she pulls the twinkie out for a bite.

Youre getting hair on your twinkie, the barber playfully warns.

Yes, I know, replies the girl. And Im getting boobs, too.

Un barco estaba hundiéndose. El Oficial gritaba:

¡Todos a los botes salvavidas! ¡Las mujeres y los niños primero!

En ese momento el Capitán fue uno de los primeros en subir al bote salvavidas. El Oficial, indignado, le reclamó:

¡Mi Capitan, que allí hay mujeres!

A lo que el Capitán respondió:

Sí hijo, ¡para follar estoy yo ahora!