Old and New Jokes

Every silver lining has a hem.

Generic Drug Names:

Tylenol is Acetaminophen, Advil is Ibuprofen, Penicillin is Amoxycillin.

So whats the generic name for viagra?

Mydixadroopin

Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid offers Barney, lets say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day. Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

Help me find my ball, you look over there, he says to Sid.  After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. Ive found my ball! he announces triumphantly.

Sid looks at him forlornly, After all the years weve been friends, youd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?!?

What do you mean cheat?  I found my ball sitting right here!

And a liar, too!!!  Sid says with amazement. Ill have you know Ive been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!

Many people died and first they went to heaven and god sent them to hell


The god of Hell gave each of them a BOON there were fifty members


GOD;Now you can ask your boon one by one


No1; God i wnt to go back to life in world


AND all the next forty eight members asked the same The last man came and asked


No50;god kindly cancel all the boons offred to the fuirst forty nine members which is a good thing will send me alive to the world.

A man is walking buy a shop which has a sign in the window reading WE SELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

The man decides to put the shop to the test. He thinks of the most absurd thing possible. He enters the shop, and asks the shopkeeper, Can I have a waist coat for a Chicken, please.

The shopkeeper thinks for a moment, and then goes into the back room. He returns after a few seconds and hands the man a condom.

The man says Thats not a waist coat for a chicken!

To which the shopkeeper replies, No sir, but its the closest weve got – A PULLOVER FOR A COCK

Two pieces of string walked into a bar and ordered a pint. sorry said the barman, we dont serve pieces of string in here and with that he threw the two pieces of string out.

Outside, one of the pieces of string ruffeled himself up, tied himself in a loop and went back into the bar.

Are you one of those pieces of string I just threw out? asked the barman.

No replied the string, Im a frayed not!

The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.

Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouses confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd.

The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.

Dont be afraid, darling, said the man. Wait until I tell you about this.

Get out of here! cried his wife. And take that sex maniac with you!

He aquí algunos anuncios:

1) Buscotecladodecomputadoraquecontengabarraespaciadora.

2) Cambio condón roto por ropa para bebé.

3) Cambio suegra por boa constrictora. Pago la diferencia.

4) Cambio mujer caníbal por pene ortopédico.

5) Cambio libros escolares de 6º año por revistas porno.

6) Cambio secretaria de 60 por 3 de 20.

7) Busco cama con quinceañera incluida.

The simplest subjects are the ones you dont know anything about.