Yup theyre gonna open some 300 Pizza huts back in the ole USSR. I can just
see the promotion campaigns:

With each pizza get a free glass from our Heroes of the Revolution
collection. Collect the RIGHT set…

What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver!

10. Your opening line is: So, whats your URL?9. You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see Enhanced for Netscape 1.1 on one of the clouds.8. You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a webpage with no links.7. You felt driven to consult the Cool Page of the Day on your wedding day.6. Youve never met your best friend5. You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you and the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the Back button.4. You visit The Really Big Button That Doesnt Do Anything again and again and again.3. Your dog has his own webpage.2. So does your hamster.1. When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

A Mr. Dillon walks into a psychiatrists office with his wife. She tells him All he ever thinks about it sex, sex, sex, and Im tired of it!!! Weve been to 3 other doctors, and they couldnt help, so now its in your hands.

The wife leaves, and the doctor starts right in. The doctor tries to get him to talk about his childhood, but it he soon starts talking about
sex.

Next he tries to get Mr. Dillon to talk about his job, but once again, the talk turns to sex. The good doctor tries a variety of approaches:

Hobbies – Sex!

Sports – Sex!

Fishing – Sex!

Dreams – Sex!

He even tries the inkblot test, but to no avail. – Sex!

At this, the doctor believes he has hit on something – That every subject has been too general; So he decides to show him pictures of specific things.

First, he shows him a picture of a car. – Sex!

Next, a picture of a boat. – Sex!

A house. – Sex!

A tree. – Sex!

At this point, the doctor has had enough. He shouts: How can you think of sex when I show you a picture of a house!?! Or a tree!?! I can understand a car or a boat, But a house or a tree!?!?!

Mr Dillon looks at him and says: What are you yelling at me for, Doc – Youre the one with all the dirty pictures!!!

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, How much for a beer? The bartender looks at him, and says For you, no charge.

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says Ill have what hes having.

Two atoms bump into each other. One says I think I lost an electron! The other asks, Are you sure?, to which the first replies, Im positive.

Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says sir can I get you a martini Descartes says I dont think… and he disappears

Where does bad light end up? Answer: In a prism!

Heisenberg is out for a drive when hes stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg says No, but I know where I am.

A man travelling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was OCCUPIED. The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside.

The buttons were marked WW, WA, PP and ATR. Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked WW and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, WOW, the women really have it made!.

Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world!

The button marked PP yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.

Well, naturally he couldnt resist the last button marked ATR. When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.

When she appeared, he cried out, What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!

The nurse replied, Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the ATR button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover… Your penis is under your pillow!

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnnys habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.

Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.

Very good, William, said the teacher.

My mummy had a baby, said little Esther.

Oh, thats nice, replied the teacher.

Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?

Itll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.

Los estadounidenses se encontraban enfrascados en una guerra contra los rusos. Al tiempo que eran perseguidos por los rusos, los gringos cruzan un lago vacío, pero cuando los rusos lo iban a atravesar, el lago se llenó. Entonces los rusos se regresan, pero su general les ordena:

Cuando yo digoski: uñoski, doski, triski. ¡Todos chuposki, todos chuposki!

La tropa se pone alerta y el general vocifera:

¡Uñoski, doski, triski, todos chuposki!

Y los soldados rusos empiezan a chupar el agua del lago hasta vaciarlo y cruzan. Pero a la mitad, se empieza a llenar. Y vuelve a gritar el general:

¡Uñoski, doski, triski, todos chuposki!

Y, nuevamente, los rusos comienzan a chupar el agua del lago hasta vaciarlo y cruzan. Pero al llegar a la mitad, comienza otra vez a llenarse el lago y se tienen que regresar. Intrigado, el general ruso ordena a sus soldados:

Cuando yo digoski: uñoski, doski, triski. ¡Nadie chuposki, nadie chuposki!

Y comienza el general:

¡Uñoski, doski, triski, nadie chuposki!

Ningún soldado chupa agua del lago. En eso, del otro lado del lago se escucha:

¡One, two, three, todos a hacer pipí!

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.



The farmer turned to the husband and said, You know, youre the tenth car Ive helped out of the mud today.



The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, When do you have time to plough your land? At night?



No, the young farmer replied seriously, Night is when I put the water in the hole

A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days.

The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night.


The husband asked her about what.

She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off Penises. The little ones went for $500.00 and the big ones went for $1000.00.

The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes!

Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off Pussys. The loose ones went for $500.00 and the tight ones went for $1000.00.

The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.

Sell? The didnt sell yours… where in the hell do you think they held the auction!