Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

A: Lipstick

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.After much thought he wrote : Yes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, What is Politics?Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People. The nanny, we will consider her The Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him The Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.The next morning, the little boy says to his father, Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.The father says, Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.The little boy replies, The President is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep sh*t

Czech walks into police station in 1968 during the Fraternal
Assistance.

Czech: Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked
me down and took my Russian watch.

Desk Sergeant: Come again?

Czech: Are you deaf? Out there in the street, a Swiss soldier
knocked me down and took my Russian watch.

Desk Sergeant: Youre confused. It was a Russian soldier who
knocked you down and took your Swiss watch.

Czech: Well, maybe, but you said it, not me.

Henry Cate III

He got a puncture and now he lives in a flat!

A Ukrainian and a Jew were discussing how far each could make a dime reach, and agreed to try it and meet a few days later to see whod get the most out of a dime. The Jew bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes, and on the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on her roses. He told the Ukrainian, I know you cant beat that for stretching a dime. The Ukrainian said, I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other one-half. The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a poo in the skin and sewed it back up. The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like poo. He agreed with me and gave me my dime back!

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them.

Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor clips it and slides it back under the door and off he goes.

On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per carriage and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go.

A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

If various operating systems were cars, what would they be?
Linux is the Fiat of operating systems, its fun when its not broken.
Eventually, though youll get fed up and get something better.
Windows NT is a 1964 Mercury Monteray, its big beyond big and a
real waste of our resources. It makes a lot of noise, though.
MS-DOS is a Tyco slot racer. Its a silly toy that takes you around and
around in circles.
MacOS is one of those talking cars. Some people think theyre neat.
The rest of us want to break them.
Emacs is a M1A1 Abrams tank. Ok, so Emacs isnt really an OS and an
Abrams isnt a car, but theyre both close and theyre both BIG.
AIX is a mail truck. When youre using it you keep wondering why
everything is this backwards!
OS/2 is one of those 3 cylinder Geo jobbies. People who use em brag about
how efficient they are. The rest of us think they should get real.
VMS is a Volkswagon Beetle. When you see em you turn, punch your friend
in the arm and laugh. The strange thing is, you still see them around!
AmigaDOS is a DeLorean. Sure its pretty slick and all, but theyre just
not made anymore.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Woody!
Woody who?
Woody you want!