Old and New Jokes

Many people died and first they went to heaven and god sent them to hell


The god of Hell gave each of them a BOON there were fifty members


GOD;Now you can ask your boon one by one


No1; God i wnt to go back to life in world


AND all the next forty eight members asked the same The last man came and asked


No50;god kindly cancel all the boons offred to the fuirst forty nine members which is a good thing will send me alive to the world.

A man is walking buy a shop which has a sign in the window reading WE SELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

The man decides to put the shop to the test. He thinks of the most absurd thing possible. He enters the shop, and asks the shopkeeper, Can I have a waist coat for a Chicken, please.

The shopkeeper thinks for a moment, and then goes into the back room. He returns after a few seconds and hands the man a condom.

The man says Thats not a waist coat for a chicken!

To which the shopkeeper replies, No sir, but its the closest weve got – A PULLOVER FOR A COCK

Two pieces of string walked into a bar and ordered a pint. sorry said the barman, we dont serve pieces of string in here and with that he threw the two pieces of string out.

Outside, one of the pieces of string ruffeled himself up, tied himself in a loop and went back into the bar.

Are you one of those pieces of string I just threw out? asked the barman.

No replied the string, Im a frayed not!

The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.

Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouses confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd.

The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.

Dont be afraid, darling, said the man. Wait until I tell you about this.

Get out of here! cried his wife. And take that sex maniac with you!

He aquí algunos anuncios:

1) Buscotecladodecomputadoraquecontengabarraespaciadora.

2) Cambio condón roto por ropa para bebé.

3) Cambio suegra por boa constrictora. Pago la diferencia.

4) Cambio mujer caníbal por pene ortopédico.

5) Cambio libros escolares de 6º año por revistas porno.

6) Cambio secretaria de 60 por 3 de 20.

7) Busco cama con quinceañera incluida.

The simplest subjects are the ones you dont know anything about.

Man goes to the bar and says bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka.

The bartender says Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that. The man says Just pour them.

The man takes the first shot and the bartender says Hey, you want to talk about it? The man says No! and drinks the next 2 shots.

The bartender says Come on and tell me about it Ive got a good ear, thats why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles.

The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says Ok, today was my first blowjob. The bartender says Hey great, have another on the house.

The man says No, if 7 doesnt get the taste out, nothing will!

A: Flattered.

You might be a redneck if…
You were shooting pool when your kids were born.