OBSERVATION:
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you dont, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you dont, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing. If you dont, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an experienced man. If you dont you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you dont, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you dont, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says its bad. If you dont , she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you didnt respect her. If you dont, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains its hard to wait. If she is late, she says thats a girls way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, oh its natural, we are girls.
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks its just one of the mans tactics.
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.
ANALYSIS:
These creatures So simple, So weak, So confusing
CONCLUSION:
It is a wonder that these WOMEN are able to survive in the world. All test results have indicated that WOMEN are irrational. Precaution is advised when handling them.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
If you meet a woman, and you like her, then she…
has a jealous boyfriend 64 280 pounds
is a confirmed lesbian
only wants to be friends
doesnt notice youre even alive
About who tries to pick you up; if youre:
heterosexual, then homosexuals will try
homosexual, then heterosexuals will try
bi-sexual, then, no one will try
with someone special, everyone will try
About finding love; if you:
hope you found it, youll be disappointed
think you found it, youre wrong
believe you found it, youre misinformed
have found it, you wont know until too late
About winning/losing; if you:
dont have anything to lose, you wont win
have something to lose, youll lose it
do win, its only so you can lose more later
If she appears to be having a good time, its because:
shes fanaticizing, and not of you, either
shes been eyeing-up someone else
shes trying to make someone jealous
About dating, if she:
arrives with a man, its the boyfriend she never told you about, and he has a few questions for ya
arrives with her girlfriend, its because she wants some protection, not for anything kinky
comes alone, its because she looks at you as a friend; there isnt a chance youll ever be more either
How do you know when a nymphomaniac drove your car?
The gear shift is wet!!
Llega un madrileño a Cádiz y le pregunta a un tÃo que va por la calle:
¿Sabe dónde hay una papelerÃa?
Aquà en la esquina hay una pero le aconsejo que no vaya.
¿Por qué?, pregunta intrigado el viajero.
Porque la dependienta es muy pesada; pero tiene otra dos calles más abajo.
El de Madrid se lo piensa y dice:
Para que voy a ir a la otra que está más lejos teniendo ésta más cerca.
Entra en la papelerÃa y se dirige a la dependienta:
Señora, deme un bloc.
¿Lo quiere Ud. de muelle o de anillas?
Me da igual: yo quiero un bloc.
¿Lo quiere cuadriculado o de rayas?
Me da igual: deme un bloc cualquiera.
¿Lo quiere con las pastas rosa o azul; según sea para niño o niña?
En eso, entra un tipo con un excusado a cuestas dirigiéndose a la dependienta:
El culo se lo enseñe ayer; el excusado donde cago es éste y el papel que quiero es aquél.
A lawyers car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, my mercedes, my brand new mercedes! As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyers right arm missing.
Do you realize your arm is gone? asked the policeman?
The lawyer, stunned, began to scream,
My rolex, my brand new rolex!
A blonde woman was in a competition to swim across the English Channel. Her competitors in the Breast Stroke division were a brunette woman and a redheaded woman. The brunette came in first, the redhead a few minutes later. Just as the sun was setting, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, I dont want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the drivers seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the drivers window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, Yes Officer?
What are you doing? the policeman asked.
What does it look like? answered the young man. Im reading this magazine.
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, And what is she doing?
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, What does it look like? Shes knitting.
And how old are you? the officer then asked the young man.
Im nineteen, he replied.
And how old is she? asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, Well, in about twelve minutes shell be sixteen.
Three young boys were sitting on the sidewalk one day looking at (3) cars across the street. One of them said;when I grow up I want to be a doctor so I can make lots of money and buy myself a car just like that red corvette. Second boy replied; when I grow up I want to be a lawyer and make more money, so I can buy myself a car just like that black mercedes.Third boy said; you are both crazy.When I grow up I want to have HAIR ALL OVER MY BODY!The other(2) boys looked puzzled and asked why? Third boy replied; well my sister only has a little patch right between her legs, and she owns all (3) of those cars.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally hes curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, I didnt know you were into earrings.
Dont make such a big deal, its only an earring, he replies sheepishly.
Well, Im curious, begged the man, how long have you been wearing an earring?
Er, ever since my wife found it in our bed.