Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isnt all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I dont want to miss the 4 oclock ball game!
Q: How many Limbaugh-heads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The number is irrelevant; they just stand around muttering ditto. And they dont do anything in the first place.
Se encuentran dos habitantes de Tontilandia en la calle y uno venÃa caminando con las piernas arqueadas…
¿Hola, que tal?
Bien, pero ayer fui al medico y me dijo que tenÃa el colesterol muy alto.
¿Qué tiene que ver el colesterol con caminar de esa forma?
Es que me dijo el médico que los huevos ni tocarlos.
Whats worse than having your doctor tell you that you that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
Having your dentist tell you!
I found this blurb in the USAir Gift Catalog (This catalog is yours to keep.
Please take it with you!) recently. Quoted without permission:
GOPHER-IT
Prevent damage to garden and lawns from burrowing rodents
with Gopher-It, the electronic stake that emits vibration
and sound thats intensely annoying to underground rodents
up to 100 feet in diameter.
Requires 4 D batteries, not included.
#26284 Gopher-It $49.95 (3.95)
I suppose for rodents of greater than 100 feet in diameter you need the
nuclear powered version.
I heard this at the Canadian Finals Rodeo…
It seems that Schick (sp?, a razor manufacturer) is coming out with a new line to complement its existing line of Lady Schick. These razors would be used on hens and roosters.
Its called the Chicken Schick.
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.
Mam, is there a reason that youre weaving all over the road?
The woman replied, Oh officer, thank goodness youre here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, Maam… thats your air freshener.
Entra Pepito al baño de improviso, y el papá en la regadera se tapa el sexo con las manos. Entonces, Pepito le pregunta: ¿Qué tienes ahà papi?
El papá, nervioso, le contesta: Un ratón Pepito, un ratón.
Y Pepito, nada bruto: ¿Te lo estás cogiendo verdad?
A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
Hi, is Tony home?
No, he went to the store.
Well, you mind if I wait?
No, come in.
They sit down and the friend says, You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. Id give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell – a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, They are so beautiful Ive got to see the both of them. Ill give you
another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together.
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he cant wait
any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, You know, your weird friend Chris came over.
Tony thinks about this for a second and says Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The Good Guy Gets The Girl.
R: The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.
X: Everybody Gets The Girl.
XXX: Everybody gets the girl, her mother, and their cock-er spaniel.