Tres hombres, un catalán, un vasco y un madrileño, se perdieron en la selva y fueron capturados por unos caníbales.

El rey de los caníbales le dijo a los prisioneros que podían salvar sus vidas si lograban pasar una prueba que contenía dos partes: La primera parte de la prueba, era volver a la selva y conseguir diez unidades de una misma fruta. Entonces cada uno de los tres hombres tomó su camino a la selva para encontrar las frutas. El Vasco regresó y le dijo al rey:

Me llamo Patxi, yo traje 10 manzanas.

El rey le explicó la segunda parte de la prueba:

Ahora tienes que meterte por el recto cada una de las frutas. ¡Sin poner ninguna expresión en la cara, o te comemos!

La primera manzana entró, pero con la segunda, el vasco se retorció de dolor, por lo que inmediatamente lo mataron. El catalán llegó y le mostró al rey diez cerezas. Cuando el rey le explicó la segunda parte de la prueba, el hombre pensó que sería tarea muy fácil, entonces empezó:

1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7.. 8.. 9 y justo en la novena cereza, soltó una carcajada y lo mataron.

El vasco y el catalán se encontraron en el cielo, y el vasco le preguntó al otro:

Oye Pere, ¿y usted porque soltó la carcajada, si ya casi lo había logrado?

A lo que el catalán le contesta:

No pude evitarlo, es que vi al tontolava del madrileño, ¡llegando con PIÑAS!

Q, What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A. A genealogist looks up your family tree . . . A gynecologist looks up your family bush!

4 women enter an obsession class with their children to learn about and deal with their odsession.

the consuleor says to the first mom:

your obsessed with money, you named your daughter penny.

then the mom takes her kid and leaves

the consuleor says to the second mom:

your obsessed with food you named your daughter candy.

then the mom takes her kid and leaves

the consuleor says to the third mom:

your obsessed with alcohol. you named your kid brandy

then the mom takes her kid and leaves.

then the fourth mom whispers to her kid this is ridiculous, come on Dick were leaving.

Why are they called buildings, when theyre already finished? Shouldnt they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when theyre all stuck together?

Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.

If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

A hillbilly kid marries his childhood sweetheart. Their honeymoon was to take place in a hunting lodge located in a special area, which is only accessible by train. They get to the station where they wait for four hours. All of the waiting passengers are getting a little miffed.

The bride realizes that she needs to go to the little girls room, and upon returning, shes crying hysterically. Her husband asks her what was up.

After a lot of effort, she says, As I was waiting in line to use the bathroom, I overheard a couple of hunters say that if the train doesnt get here soon, the f***ing season will be over.

A woman wearing a real tight dress, and carrying a bunch of
packages tries to get on a bus. She cant get up the step so she
reaches behind and drops the zipper on her skirt a little, tries
again and still cant make it, so she drops her skirt zipper a bit
more, still no luck, she reaches back drops her skirt zipper a
bunch and the guy behind her gooses her, picks her up, carries
her on the bus, pays both fares, sets her down and kisses her
left breast. The woman slaps him, and the guy says, Honey after
you pulled my zipper down the third time, I figured we were
friends.

What is the difference between a street musician and a gynecologist?

A street musician is an organ grinder with a monkey.

A gynecologist monkeys with an organ grinder.