While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.Whats that big brass gong for? one of the guests asked.Why, thats my talking clock, the man replied.How does it work? asked one of his friends.Watch this, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, Hey !*#^$*@! Its 2 in the $&@!%&# morning!
11
Oct
11
Oct
Why did bill quit playing the saxophone?
To play his WhoreMonica
11
Oct
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her go do something to prove them wrong! Why dont you learn all the state capitals or something? The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, Im NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals! The guy doesnt believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says, Okay, whats the Capital of Montana?
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, Thats easy! Its M!
10
Oct
10
Oct
The older guys are now taking a new combination, Viagra and Doans Pills, so the back wont peter out and the peter wont back out…
10
Oct
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – This is the WORST book Ive ever read! It has NO plot and far too many characters!
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks –
So, youre the one who took our phone book…
10
Oct
once in a class . teacher tells herto student to study three words .Three words are
10
Oct
A press release that I recently received. Ive read this book and
liked it enough to buy several copies to give to friends. I didnt
find it all that offensive (obscene, yes, but not offensive). But,
I guess book marketing has to move with the times, and if offense sells…
By the way, Reverend Fing is wildely rumored to be a non-de-plume
of this Palmer guy…
News Release
February 19, 1989
Contact: Nick Palmer
(206) 882 4500
FUCK, YES! AUTHOR COMPLAINS OF DEATH THREATS
The Reverend Wing Fu Fing complained today that Christian leaders
were refusing to threaten his life because of the offensive nature of his
novel, Fuck, YES! A Guide to the Happy Acceptance of Everything.
My book is just as obnoxious as anybody elses, Wing Stated, I
certainly deserve a price on my head. Maybe $4 million is too much to
ask. How about some McDonalds coupons?
Reacting to the massive news coverage given to Satanic Verses by
Salman Rushdie, Wing announced that Waldenbooks, Daltons and many others
major book chains have refused to carry his book for a full year before
Rushdies Novel appeared. Also, the Canadian government has attempted to
ban it. But do you think anybody cares? Wing bitched.
This is another example of America being bested by foreign competition,
according to Nick Palmer, spokesman for Shepherd Books, publisher of
Fuck, YES! If some of our so-called religious leaders would climb out
of bed and whip good Christians everywhere into a frenzy, then foreigners
would be buying American books instead of Americans buying foreign books.
Fuck, YES! is a novel in the form of a self-help book; it has been
highly praised by reviewers in several obscure magazines. It really is a
shame, according to book reviewer Talcott Blitch. Fuck, YES! could
potentially offend millions of people across the world, but its being
virtually ignored. Really, theres something in there thatll bother
every special interest group but lesbians.
When asked about Reverend Wing, Palmer said, Wings bananas.
However, he pointed out, the Ayatollah Khomeinis orders to kill Rushdie
have spurred sales of Satanic Verses far beyond the wildest hopes of
its publishers. If someone threatens Wing, were going to put him on
Letterman or Carson, I can promise you that. This suckers not going into
hiding. Thats not the American way. Thats for sure.
This uncopyrighted material copied by–gordon letwin.
10
Oct
Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
You didnt?! Its all over town!
10
Oct
What went through the flys mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!