Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot:
I am an elderly woman who lives alone. There are no senior centers in my area, and I live on a fixed income. I would love to get out and meet more people, but there seem to be very few options for someone my age. Is there some social outlet I dont know about?
— Lonely In Laramie
Dear Lonely,
Kick it, lick it, watch where I stick it
Face down while I punch your ticket
Ride my king cobra round the world
Wanna do ya girl
Want ya pettin my big black cat
Blackberry jam dont shake like that
If your bootys extra-large, Ill bring the funk
Wanna see some extra luggage in the trunk.
Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot:
I am preparing an elegant dinner party for the holidays with approximately 30 guests. Many on the guest list have made special requests regarding next to whom they wish to be seated. Is it my job to accommodate as many requests as possible, or is my time better spent on the other details of the party?
— Baffled In Baldwin
Dear Baffled,
Drop em and shake it, girl, ya wont break it
Leave enough for me to take it
Mix likes to get down and make it
When the girl is large and naked
Talkin bout a booty with meat on the bones
Two scoops of chocolate, hold the cones
Wanna hit your pleasure zone
Mix-A-Lot gonna make you moan.
Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot:
If you ask me, your response to Torn In Tuscaloosa was way off the mark. If her boyfriend doesnt want to get off the couch and start working for a living, hes nothing but a no-good, selfish moocher. That girl should drop him like a hot potato!
— Peeved In Peekskill
Dear Peeved,
Whos afraid of my big bad weenie
Rub it and see if its got a genie
Gonna make disappear this 10-inch zucchini
Just like Houdini
M-I-X to the A-L-O-T rappin
Wanna see yo butt cheeks flappin
Mix want the honeys with the big back doors
So drop them drawers, whores. Unh.