A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about
you.
The frog says, This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or
what?
No, says the psychic. Next semester in her biology class.
There was a blonde and a brunette on either sides of a river.
The brunette wanted to get to the side the blonde was on so she yelled across how do you get to the other side? to the blonde.
The blonde answered DUH! You ARE on the other side!.
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits.
All day long she lies in the bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?
Eventually, said the doctor, she will rise and shine!
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, Where is Jesus today?
Johnny raised his hand and said, Hes in heaven.
Mary was called on and answered, Hes in my heart.
And Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, I know! I know! Hes in our bathroom!!!
Ths whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this and Robert said, Well … Every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!
This young guy comes into the office/wagon of the circus master: I can climb up the center pole and dive off into space, NO NET, land on my head in center ring, and jump up and take a bow. How bout them apples?
How much are you asking for this spectacle? asks the circus master.
Just 200 bucks a show, says the young guy.
I dont know. Ill have to see it first, says the circus master.
The acrobat climbs up, dives off, lands on his head, and jumps up and waves, although a bit wobbly.
OK, for 200 bucks a shot, its a deal, says the circus master.
Oh, no! Not 200! 500! says the acrobat.
What? You said 200!
I know I said 200, but that was before I tried it!
HabÃa una vez dos hermanas mellizas de 85 años, Elda y Pocha, que vivÃan juntas y fueron vÃctimas de un robo en su domicilio. Estando en la seccional policial el policÃa les iba a tomar declaración sobre los hechos ocurridos. Empezó Pocha diciéndole la policÃa:
¡Nos han robado $1000!
Pero Elda la interrumpe:
¡No te olvides de decirle que nos quisieron envenenar!
No, espere, ya le vamos a tomar declaracion a usted, dijo el policÃa.
Sigue Pocha:
¡Nos robaron el televisor!
Interrumpe Elda:
¡Decile, decile que nos querÃan envenenar!
¡Espere un momento por favor! Ya le vamos a tomar declaracion a usted, dijo el policÃa.
Pocha continua:
¡Nos robaron las joyas!
Otra vez interrumpe Elda:
¡Decile Pocha que nos querÃan envenenar!
El PolicÃa, cansado ante tantas interrupciones decide escuchar a Elda:
A veeer señora… su declaración…
Y Elda le dice:
¡Si! Nos querÃan envenenar porque un ladrón le decÃa al otro a cada rato: ¿qué te parece si a estas dos viejitas les hechamos un POLVITO?
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. 4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it?
You swim across — all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.