I recently bought one of those large watertight camera cases. The thing is
solid as a tank and is designed to be air-dropped in the jungle, etc. It
comes with a lifetime warranty with the following proviso:
This warranty excludes damage caused by sharkbite, bear attack,
or children under 5.
What is a more macho man?
At the critical moment when he cant get it up, he asks the woman, Does this happen to you often?
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions? How much for a season pass?
Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk.. 1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon Things that are VERY difficult to say when youre drunk: 1. Specificity
2. Antidisestablishmentarianism
3. Loquacious
4. Transubstantiate Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when youre drunk: 1. Thanks, but I dont want to sleep with you
2. Nope, no more booze for me
3. Sorry, but youre not really my type
4. No kebab for me, thank you
5. Good evening officer, isnt it lovely out tonight?
6. Im not interested in fighting you
7. Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination
8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street
9. Youre right; I cant jump over that table.
10. Oh, I just couldnt – no one wants to hear me sing
Ive heard of the Clintons being referred to as Billary, combining Bill and Hillary. Well, why not switch it around and say Hillbilly… Hey! That fits all too well. And please I mean no offense to the President. Or her husband.
Papá canÃbal y su pequeño caminan por la selva. En eso, pasa un avión y el antropofaguito, sorprendido, le pregunta:
Papá, papá, ¿Qué es eso?
¡Ah, mi querubÃn, eso ser un pájaro volador de acero!
¿Y eso se come, papi?
Sólo lo de adentro mi hijo, sólo lo de adentro.
La esposa de Bonifacio le dice:
MÃrame, ¿verdad que me veo mejor sin el sostén?
Bonifacio despega su mirada del periódico. Observa indiferentemente a su mujer con sus tetas colgantes todas pesadas y le asegura:
¡Claro que sÃ, hasta la cara se desarrugó!
Yo mama so stupi I asked her what letter comes after x, i said y she said because I want to know.
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dogs owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.
The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, Looks as if I killed your dog.
Sure does.
Im sorry. Was it a valuable dog?
I wouldnt say that.
Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?
Well, I dont know.
Two hundred dollars. That should do it.
Sounds good.
The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the mans hand, he said, Im sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting.
I wasnt going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to shoot that mangy dog.
Whats rude, black, thick and floats on water?
Crude oil