What smells worse than old garbage?
Poor White Trash
08
Apr
08
Apr
"My wife is an angel.""Lucky you. Mines still alive."
08
Apr
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.
08
Apr
David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went
> riding.
> Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and down
> out
> of
> control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good.
> With
> his
> foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the ground. His head
> continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or even
> slow
> down.
>
> Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was giving
> up
> hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworths manager came along and
> unplugged it.
08
Apr
This is another joke I heard from a friend many years ago. It is however
a translation from an Iranian joke.
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the
food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, Sir,
Im afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is
sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually
orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the
house. Im afraid Ill have to take this dish to him and arrange for
another dish for you!
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks
over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few
minutes later the officer walks over to the mans table and says, Listen
and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and Ill warn you,
whatever you do to that chicken Ill do the same to you. You pull out one
of its legs, Ill pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, Ill
break one of your arms!
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the
birds rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants,
bends over and says, Your turn!!
07
Apr
He aquà 10 razones por las cuales es mejor dormir que tener sexo:
1. Dura toda la noche.
2. No te sientes culpable de hacerlo sola o solo.
3. Nadie rumorea sobre que tanto duermes tú.
4. No te quejas en las mañanas de no haberlo tenido.
5. No hay que pagar para hacerlo.
6. No necesitas dormir después de dormir.
7. Puedes dormir hasta en la iglesia.
8. Mientras duermes puedes tener sexo con quien quieras.
9. Tu compañero o compañera no se queja.
10. Puedes dormir en la posición que desees.
07
Apr
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: He was stapled to the chicken!
07
Apr
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.
07
Apr
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What youd better have around de yard if youre going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesnt appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when youre mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though theyre sure youre not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
07
Apr
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the
worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the no haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Maybe Ill just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!
The shopkeeper said, By all means, be my guest. Maybe youll luck out and catch yourself a big one!
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward
her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, Damn it, this one isnt wearing any shoes either!