Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mikey!
Mikey who?
Mikey wont fit in this lock!
30
Aug
30
Aug
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Leon!
Leon who?
Leonly one for me!
30
Aug
Los hombres buena gente son feos.
Los hombres lindos no son buena gente.
Los hombres lindos y buena gente son gay.
Los hombres lindos, buena gente y heterosexuales son casados.
Los hombres no tan lindos pero buena gente no tienen dinero.
Los hombres no tan lindos pero buena gente y con dinero creen que sólo estamos tras su dinero.
Los hombres lindos y sin dinero están tras nuestro dinero.
Los hombres lindos, no tan buena gente y razonablemente heterosexuales, no creen que somos lo suficientemente bonitas.
Los hombres que creen que somos bonitas, que son razonablemente buena gente y tienen dinero son unos cobardes.
Los hombres que son razonablemente lindos, razonablemente buena gente y tienen algo de dinero, son tÃmidos y ¡NUNCA TOMAN LA INICIATIVA!
Los hombres que nunca toman la iniciativa, pierden automáticamente el interés cuando nosotras tomamos la iniciativa.
Y ahora ¿QUIÉN ENTIENDE A LOS HOMBRES?
Si eres tierna con ellos… eres una cursi.
Si no… una insensible.
Si no te arreglas… eres una descuidada.
Si lo haces… es para loquear con otro.
Si no trabajas… eres una simple ama de casa.
Si lo haces (y ganas más que ellos)… se enojan.
Si ellos siempre pagan… es un abuso.
Si lo haces tú… se sienten menos.
Si te acuestas con ellos… eres una alocada.
Si no… no los quieres.
Si ellos ascienden de puesto… es por sus capacidades.
Si lo haces tú… es porque te acostaste con el jefe.
Si ellos ven a otras… es su naturaleza.
Si tú ves a otros… eres infiel.
Si sales con un chico sin dinero… eres una tarada.
Si sales con un millonario… eres una interesada.
Si a los 30 ellos no se casan… son solteros codiciados.
Si tú a los 30 no te has casado… ya se te fue el tren.
Si estás de mal humor… eres una neurótica.
Si ellos lo están… ¡pobrecitos, no los comprendes!
Si eres fea… no te dan bola.
Si eres guapa e inteligente… te tienen miedo.
Si te ponen los cuernos y sigues con ellos… más estúpida no puedes ser.
Si lo hacen y los pateas… que poco aguante tienes.
Si tienen una amante… es porque en su casa no tienen lo que necesitan.
Si lo tienes tú… ¡Ah, qué puta!
Si ellos andan con una más joven… bravo, bravo, bravo.
Si tú lo haces… es que necesitas que te hagan el favor.
Si están intolerables… compréndelos, tuvieron un mal dÃa.
Si tú estás intolerable… es que estás en tus dÃas.
PERO CÓMO ESPERAR ENTENDERLOS SI NI ELLOS MISMOS SE ENTIENDEN.
30
Aug
Sung to the tune of Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)
Day-O…oh Day-O,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Run Mr Taliban, we know where youre hiding,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Hey USA, USA, USA…
Air force come and they flatten you home
60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Old Uncle Sams pissed, he aint no quitter,
Air force come and they flatten your home
When we finish you all be crying,
Air force come and they flatten your home,
Pilot is brother of New York fireman
Air force come and they flatten your home
30
Aug
Two friends whom are blonde buy a five piece puzzle.When they put it together theyre so excited!Both blondes husbands walk in and see their wives extremely happy jumping up and down! When the 1st blondes husband asks why their so happy the 1st blonde replies Because…on the box it says 2-5 years.
30
Aug
The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.
30
Aug
Monica Lewinski walks into a cleaners carrying her blue dress. After she
dropped it off for it to be cleaned and was about to walk out the door,
the little chinese man behind the counter said, Come again!
No Monica says, This time its mayonaise!
30
Aug
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.Arent you going to have a drink yourself? asked the doctor.Sure, after the police leave, replied the lawyer.
30
Aug
Collards is green,
my dogs name is Blue
and Im so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blues
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You aint got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yore as satisfyn as okry
jist a-fryn in the pan.
Yore as fragrant as snuff
right out of the can.
You have somea yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when were in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, Im in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yore there fer yore man,
to patch up lifes troubles
and fix what you can.
Yore as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin overhead.
You aint mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Aint nuttin I lack.
Yore complexion, its perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin.
Me n yous like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentines Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
its romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
Thats impressive, I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
Diamonds are forever,
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these wont do.
Cause yore too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds …
ITS A NEW TROLLN MOTOR!!!
30
Aug
Skeet shooting the shuttlecraft.
Plugging Nintendo cartridges into Data.
Giving Worf a nuggie.
Ordering a pizza from Dominos, then going 30 minutes into the future just to piss them off. (Ha ha! Free pizza!)
Secretly replacing the dilithium crystals with New Folgers crystals.
Reprogramming the computer to play the theme to Countdown during self-destruct sequence.
Watching Captain Picard do his Mr. Clean impression.
Calling down to the transporter room, and asking if theyve beamed aboard Prince Albert in a can.
Tribble sex!