Old and New Jokes

This woman, who just recently became a mother of two beautiful twin baby boys, was visited by her best friend.

Her friend was remarked by the twins and asked: They look exactly alike. How do you tell them apart?

The mother responded, Oh thats easy, by their balls … One balls all day and one balls all night.

Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: Theyd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Q: Whats Bill Clintons least expensive hobby?
A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

Este era una viejo, que estaba con su vieja esposa en el registro civil, para anular su matrimonio. El Sr. Juez le dice:

¿Se quiere divorciar a su edad?

¡Sí!

¿Pero por qué?

Pasa que mi doctor me dijo que podía tener sexo una vez al año, sin que esto me implicara ploblemas a mi salud.

¿Y su esposa no quiere tener sexo con usted?

Y el viejo enojado le dice:

¡no, lo que ocurre es que esta desgraciada quiere que desperdicie esa noche de sexo con ella!

Whats the difference between the Titanic
and President Bill Clinton?

Only 350 women went down on the
Titanic.

10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.

   … and the number one thing …

1. Dilbert is not a comic strip, its a documentary.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bulldog with a Shi-Tzu.

A: A brand new breed of dog that is alert and obedient.

gavinfx@yahoo.com

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him. 7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctors, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone! And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve… 1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, Ok, I can do better than THAT!.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Sven!
Sven who?
Sven Brides for Seven Brothers!