Old and New Jokes

Q: What goes VAROOM Screech! VAROOM Screech! VAROOM Screech!?

A: A blond driving through a blinking red light. =;-{)

(No insinuations meant, as I myself am a blonde)

A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. I wish…that all the bears in this forest were female. The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. I wish…that all the bears in this country to be female! The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met! Then he asked for his last wish. I wish…that all the bears in this world to be female! The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, I wish the bear was gay

Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Clintons mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.

Q:What are the three words you DONT want to hear when having sex?



A:Honey Im home!

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.



The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife . . .

Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?



The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye.

She paused for moment and then confessed. Yes. Yes he did.



The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks Who? Who was he? Who was the father?



Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. then, finally, she says. . . . . . . You.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Chip!
Chip who?
Chip of Fools!

An American, a Canadian and a Paki are stopped by a gorgeous babe.
She says if one of them can stay in the cave with a skunk for 2
minutes, then that person can have sex with her. The American lasts 30 sec.,
the Canadian about 1 min. The Paki goes in, then 2 minutes later,
the skunk comes out!

Husband: Darling, will you love me when Im old and feeble?

Spouse: You bet I do.

Sign seen in a small restaurant:

Thanks for visiting. If you liked the food, send your friends. Otherwise, send your mother-in-law.