Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
05
Apr
05
Apr
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Financially Secure means: One paycheck from the street
Free spirit means: Substance abuser
Friendship first means: Trying to live down reputation as slut
05
Apr
IBM: Its Better Manually
05
Apr
Q: How many Austrailian Royalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but there is only one and she is old and not feeling that well these days so … hurry!
05
Apr
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!
The man said, You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, Then youre not the right man for this job.
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I cant kill my wife.
The agent said, You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the womans turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.
05
Apr
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator??
A: Why the hell are you shaking? Shes gonna eat me!
05
Apr
A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation.
The transexual replied, Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didnt hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didnt hurt too much either….
Then you didnt experience any real physical pain at all then?
Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!
05
Apr
A superb and inexpensive restaurant.
Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
Dinner Special – Chicken or Beef $2.25; Turkey $2.35; Children $2.00
05
Apr
A man from Atlanta moved to New York.As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, "Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00". The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain. "Well" said the man, "its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story". "Ill just take the cat," said the man. "Very well, but you will be back," said the salesman. The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket. As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning around he noticed there were a couple of cats following him. The further he walked the more cats seemed to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see thousands of cats behind him. "Screw this!" he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned. The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat. "I knew you would be back. $150.00 for the story," said the salesman. "Forget the story," said the man. "Have you got a bronze Mets fan?"
04
Apr
Cuatro tipos estaban jugando dominó en un bar. Al rato de estar jugando, uno de ellos se levantó para ir al baño.
Aprovechando el descanso, los otros 3 se pusieron a platicar, y uno de ellos dijo:
No es por presumirles, pero a mi hijo le ha ido muy bien en el negocio de bienes raices. Ha ganado tanto dinero, que ya hasta le regaló una casa a uno de sus amigos…
El siguiente agrega:
Pues tampoco es por presumirles, pero mi hijo es distribuidor de automóviles importados, y gana tanto dinero, que ya hasta le regaló un Ferrari a uno de sus amigos…
Y el tercero la remata con:
Pues mi hijo tiene una casa de bolsa, y como le estará yendo de bien, que hasta le regalo a uno de sus amigos un paquete de acciones de las mejores…
En eso regresa el que estaba en el baño. Los tres presumidos le preguntan como le ha ido a su hijo, y el les responde:
Pues la verdad, mal. Mi hijo desde chico era medio delicadito, y ahora de mayor, se mariconeo completamente: es un homosexual declarado y trabaja en un salón de belleza del centro de la ciudad. Pero ha de ser muy bueno para lo que hace, porque uno de sus novios le regaló una casa, otro un Ferrari y otro un paquete de acciones de las más buenas…