Old and New Jokes

Manolo viaja a la ciudad de Nueva York, pero al entrar a territorio estadounidense el piloto del avión les informa que el avión se va a estrellar, por lo que es necesario que todos los pasajeros tomen un paracaídas y se lancen fuera del avión.

Ya en tierra, los sobrevivientes notan que hay medio brazo, con el puño cerrado, que sobresale de entre los escombros, y se dan cuenta que era nuestro amigo Manolo. Consternados, le abren el puño para ver que tenía agarrado con tanto ímpetu, y se percatan de un pote pequeño que en la etiqueta indicaba:

Yodo para caídas, raspones y guayasos.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Perth!
Perth who?
Perth your lips and whistle!

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: What do you get if put a blonde upside down?

A: A brunette with a bad breath.

Q: Whats the difference between a rectal and oral thermometer? A: The taste.

Each evening bird lover Tom Rowe stood in his backyard in Devon, England, hooting like an owl – and one night, an owl called back to him.

For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Rowe even kept a log of the conversation. Just as Rowe thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with next door neighbor, Nancy Hollis.

My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls, said Mrs. Rowe.

Thats odd, Mrs. Hollis replied. So does my John.

Then it dawned on them.

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying Nerds Not Allowed — Enter At Your Own Risk! He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living? I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers Im hauling. Okay, truck drivers are not nerds, he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked. Why did you do that? Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You dont even need a license. The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He cant let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. Whats wrong? I thought nerds were in season, says the truck driver. Well, sure, says the patrolman. But you cant bait em.

Le dice el nieto a la abuela:

A que no llevas bragas.

Se le queda la abuela mirando y, perpleja, le responde:

Pues no, ¿y tú cómo lo sabes?

El nieto se ríe pícaramente y le contesta:

¡Lo sé porque tienes caspa en las zapatillas!

Q: How many Elon College students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None – thats what maids are for.

yo mammas so fat she saw 2 school buss full of white kids and said stop them twinkys..