Esto es uno que llegan las Navidades y decide escribir una carta a los Reyes que decÃa asÃ:
Queridos Reyes Magos:
Me traeréis unas botas con hierro por delante, una cadena, un puñal, una pistola y por último una chupa de cuero con los rayos de la SS grabados en plata de ley.
P.D. Baltazar, tráelo tú si tienes cojones.
Quid? Me vexatibus?
1. Its soft centred, not self centred
2. Its rich, smooth and irresistible, but it will never go astray
3. There is more than one layer to a Tim Tam
4. It doesnt care what you look like, or how old you are
5. Your friends will love it as much as you do
6. Its short, dark and handsome, and yours for life
7. It exists only to bring you pleasure and expects nothing in return
8. It never has to work back late at the office
9. It can make you feel better without saying a word
10. Its always there when you need it
Some churches are more fun than others.
Believe it or not, these actually appeared in various church bulletins:
1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and
north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both
ends.
2. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All
ladies giving milk, come early.
3. Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr.
Johnson will sing, Put Me In My Little Bed, accompanied by
the pastor.
4. Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the little
mothers club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers
please meet with the pastor in his study.
5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to
come forward and lay an egg at the alter.
6. The service will close with Little Drops Of Water.
One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the
congregation will join in.
7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray
the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do
something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of
paper.
8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every
kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday
afternoon.
9. A bean supper will be held on Saturday evening in the
church basement. Music will follow.
10. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce
the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs.
Julius Belzer.
11. Tonights sermon: What is hell? Come early and listen
to our choir practice.
12. For those of you who have children and dont know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
13. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church
and community.
14. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
15. Dont let worry kill you off — let the church help.
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, Where did you get such a nice bike?
The second nerd replied, Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want!
The second nerd nodded approvingly, Good choice, the clothes probably wouldnt have fit.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant.
Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
Dinner Special – Chicken or Beef $2.25; Turkey $2.35; Children $2.00
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldnt they be wearing night gowns?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Tres hombres se encontraban desolados y casi muriendo de inanición en medio de un bosque, cuando de repente se les aparece un genio y les dice: Soy El Genio, como estoy borracho hoy, ando de celebración, asà pues tengo para cada uno de ustedes un deseo, pidan lo que quieran y les será concedido…
Al oir esto los tres hombres aceptaron inmediatamente, entonces el genio les dijo:
Yo les concederé lo que quieran, pero deben correr a lo largo del puente que atraviesa esa quebrada y tirarse, que abajo de él les esperará su deseo.
Dice el primer hombre:
Yo quiero Mujeres corre y atraviesa el puente y cuando cae, le reciben allá abajo muchas mujeres.
Dice el segundo hombre:
Yo quiero Dinero, corre y atraviesa el puente y cuando cae le recibe una gran montaña de dólares.
Dice el tercer hombre:
Yo quiero… y cuando corre se tropieza y exclama: ¡Mierda!
Q:whats round,white and giggles?
A:a tickled onion
You might be a redneck if…
You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.