A man was driving through Oklahoma when he was pulled over by one of the local officers.
He man asked, What did you stop me for?
The officer replied, You failed to stop at the stop sign.
The man answered, I slowed down, didnt I?
Yes, the officer admitted.
Well, slow down, stop, same thing. the man rebutted.
At that point the officer pulled his night stick out and started hitting the man over the head. Now, tell me, do you want me to stop or slow down?
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Diamonds are a
girls best friends.
Dogs are mans best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
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Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mira!
Mira who?
Miracle on 34th Street!
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
It was closing time at the local sports-oriented pub and the only people left there were the bar keep, a drunk, and a gorilla standing in the corner. The barkeep looks at the drunk and said, Wanna see something neat?
He whistled to the gorilla, the gorilla came over and stood in front of the bar keep. The barkeep lightly tapped the gorrilla on the head with a small plastic bat he kept behind the bar, immediately the gorrilla dropped to his knees and gave the man a blow job.
When he was done, the barkeep looked at the drunk and said, Wanna try it?
The drunk said, Sure, just dont hit me too hard with the bat!
Dogs love it when you friends come over.
Dogs dont care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
Dogs dont expect you to call when you are running late. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs dont notice if you call them by another dogs name.
Dogs dont mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs dont hate it.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs know that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs dont want to know about every other dog you ever had.
A dog would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster dinner.
You never have to wait for a dog. Theyre ready to go twenty-four hours a day.
Dogs find you amusing when youre drunk.
There were these two friends, one who was gay, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them.
St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her.
The man replied, I was unfaithful to my wife one time.
St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven.
Now it was the second mans turn.
St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her.
The man replied, Actually Im gay, but heres a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him.
St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven.
After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, I wouldnt be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard.
Whats the difference between a blonde and a payphone? It costs twenty-five cents to use a payphone!
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the ladys house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
Wow! the man said. Can I take it for a test drive? Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the ladys house.
Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?
My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money.