Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
11
Jan
11
Jan
Patient: Im in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: Youve had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, Ive got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well… The bad news first…
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: Thats terrible! Whats the good news?
Doctor: Theres a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers
RAINY web
11
Jan
Confucius say…
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Baseball very funny game–man with 4 balls no can walk!!
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.
Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
A girls best asset is her lieability.
Support bacteria — its the only culture some people have!
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Man with atletic finger make broad jump.
Squirrel who runs up womans leg not find nuts.
He who fishes in another mans well often catches crab.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss baloons.
Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.
Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Elevator smell different to midget.
Man who lay woman on ground have peace on earth.
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
America Good Place to Put Chinese Restuarant.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
When lady say no, she mean maybe when lady say maybe, she mean yes when lady say yes, she no lady.
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
He who rapes a mans daughter, draws and quarters his son, and buries his wife alive in an anthill should not expect to sit at that mans dinner table without the subject coming up.
He who outruns the cheetah is fucking fast on his feet!
There is no such thing as rape; Woman run faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.
Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.
Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache
He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.
He who refuses to listen is lying.
He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesnt feel crazy, feels nuts.
Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup.
Woman who not practise sex before marriage is sentenced to an indeterminate length.
It take square ass to shit a brick.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands..
He who stands on toilet seat is high on pot; and he who sniffs Coke, drowns.
Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!
Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead.
Boy who play with himself pulls boner.
Man who sleeps with old hen finds its better than pullet.
Man who put foot in mouth get athletes tongue.
Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose.
Man who fall in vat of molten optical glass makespectacle of self.
Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
10
Jan
Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to turn on a light bulb?
A: 33 – 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the interrupt.
10
Jan
What do you call a shed full of black people?
Historic farm tools.
10
Jan
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitutes terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
The man shouted, What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there.
The prostitute snapped back, What do you want to do, knit or fuck?
10
Jan
With one look at his voluptuous new patient, all the gynecologists professional ethnics went right out the window. Instructing her to undress completely, he began to stroke the soft skin of her inner thigh.
Do you know what Im doing? he asked softly.
Checking for any dermatological abnormalities, right?
Right. crooned the doctor, beginning to fondle her breasts and gently pinch her nipples, And now?
Looking for any lumps that might be cancerous.
Right you are, reassured the doctor, placing her feet in the stirrups and entered her. And do you know what Im doing now?
Yup. she said, lookig down.
Catching herpes.
09
Jan
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Jesse Jackson) Changing the light bulb is a partial solution at best. Im more of a Lone Ranger than a light bulb changer. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver, and the shameful fact is that the American Indians of today dont have enough silver, or gold, or even paper money to allow them to buy into the American Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all Americans can light their homes, from the lighthouse to the White House.
09
Jan
The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want
The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want
The wife says: Its your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: Youll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure… go ahead
The wife means: I dont want you to
The wife says: In not upset
The wife means: Of course Im upset you moron
The wife says: Youre … so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.
09
Jan
If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.