14
Aug

The Ballerina

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, What man out there will buy a lady a drink?

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After shes completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, What man out there will buy a lady a drink?

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, Bartender, Id like to buy the ballerina another drink!

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, Its your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?

The drunk replies, Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!

13
Aug

Drug Dealers Vs.

Drug dealers Software developers



Refer to their clients as users. Refer to their clients as users.



The first ones free! Download a free trial version…



Have important South-East Asian Have important South-East Asian

connections(to help move the connections (to help debug the

stuff). code).



Strange jargon:Stick, Rock, Strange jargon: SCSI, RTFM,

Dime bag, E. Java, ISDN.





Realize that theres tons of cash Realize that theres tons of cash

in the 14- to 25-year-old market. in the 14- to 25-year-old market.



Job is assisted by the industrys Job is assisted by the industrys

producing newer, more potent producing newer, faster machines.

mixes.



Often seen in the company of of Often seen in the company of

pimps and hustlers. marketing people and venture

capitalists.



Their product causes unhealthy DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem

addictions. Nuff said.



Do your job well, and you can Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

sleep with sexy movie stars who

depend on you.

13
Aug

Astronomy is looking up.

Astronomy is looking up.

13
Aug

How can I miss you

How can I miss you if you wont go away?

12
Aug

Proud Dads

Four men are sitting in a bar having drinks. One of the men goes to the bathroom. Then the three remaining men start to chat about their sons. The first man says:

My son is so great! He just got an honorable discharge from the army, and one of his friends gave him a million in stocks!



The second guy waves this off and says:



My son is even better. He just got to the CEO chair of a great company, and one of his friends gave him a new car!



The third guy waves both of them off and says:



My son is best of all! He just got into the House, got a 10 dollar an hour raise, and one of his friends just gave him a new house!



They start to argue, then the fourth guy comes back. They ask him about his son, and he says:



My son stinks! He started out as a hairdresser, is still a hairdresser after fifteen years, and hes gay! He must be pretty attractive though, cause he just gave his THREE boyfriends a million in stocks, a new car, and a house!

12
Aug

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

49. Listen to radio static.

12
Aug

You might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if…
There are more than five McDonalds bags currently on the floorboard of your car.

12
Aug

How about 3 wishes.

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, You know, Im not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?

The big guy nods slowly. Hes obviously fielded this question many times.

One day, he begins, I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream.

So I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, You now have 3 wishes.

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, What will be your second wish?

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream. She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?

I looked at her and replied, How about a little head?

12
Aug

Missappropriated Churchill Quote

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
You, sir, are drunk!
And you maam, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!

12
Aug

Last supper – last words.

What were Jesus last words at the last supper?

Ok, all you guys who want to be in the picture,

get on THIS side of the table