In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
11
Dec
11
Dec
10
Dec
Every time you see a roadsign that says DIP you reach in your back pocket.
Youve ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
10
Dec
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. What the heck are you doing ? he asks the drunk. Im looking for my car, and I cant find it. he replies. So how does feeling the roof help you ? asks the puzzled manager.
Well, replies the drunk earnestly, MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!.
10
Dec
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
10
Dec
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
10
Dec
These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they discuss her rating, which is on a 1 to 10 scale.
One says, Id give her a 7. Shes really quite pretty. Another agrees, and so does the third.
The bartender, while bringing a new round of drinks to their table, overhears their rating of the young lass. He checks her out himself and says, Nah, Id only give her a 3.
A 3? How can you give her a 3? says one of the three guys at the table. Shes a real pretty girl.
The bartender, walking away, says, Well, I use the Budweiser method for rating women.
The guys look at each other, figure the bartender has lousy taste in women, and go back to their ratings. Moments later, another young lady, prettier than the last, walks into the bar, and they confer between themselves and decide she deserves a 9.
However, the bartender, wiping off the table nearest to theirs, again overhears their rating of the gal. He checks her out himself and tells the fellows that hed only give her a 5.
A 5? How can you give her just a 5? Shes absolutely gorgeous!
The bartender casually replies that he uses the Budweiser method for rating women.
The Budweiser method? they puzzle, as the bartender returns to his post behind the bar. They are quite confused.
Three, maybe four minutes pass by, and then a stunning blonde, 511 goddess walks into the bar. Long luscious legs, sexy shape. Truly a work of flawless perfection. Without hesitation, the three judges at the table determine that this young sultress is, without any doubt, a 10.
However, carrying a case of beer past them to restock the supply behind the bar, the bartender once more overhears their rating of the girl. He glances studiously at her, and says that the best, the very best that he could give her, would be a 7.
A 7 ?!? How in the world could you give her just a mere 7? Shes friggin gorgeous!
Well, says the bartender again, I use the Budweiser method for rating women.
Budweiser! says one of the guys, exasperated. What in the hell is this Budweiser method for rating women?
Well, says the bartender, the Budweiser method for rating women is the number of Clydesdales it would take to pull me off her.
10
Dec
One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.
Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you sonna ma bitch. I dont even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: Peace on you.
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.
09
Dec
Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
09
Dec
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, Why did you die? Why did you die?
The first man approached him and said, Sir, I dont want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
Was it your Child? A parent? Who may I ask, lies in that grave?
The mourner answered, My wifes first husband! … Why did you die? Why did you die?