Old and New Jokes

Here is a basic descriptions of what may happen if an airplane had a specific operating system running.

Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you dont need to know, dont want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.

Estaba caperucita roja paseando por el bosque, y el lobo hacía rato que le tenía unas ganas… así que en un descuido de ella, el lobo le salta encima, le arranca las ropas, y la viola.

Consumado el acto, caperucita toda llorosa, le increpa al lobo:

¡Vas a ver lobo malo, ahora le digo a mi abuelita que me violaste cinco veces!

A lo que el lobo le responde:

Pero caperucita, si yo solo te violé una vez.

Y caperucita le responde:

Y qué, ¿ya te vas…?

Goebels Law Of Useless Difficulty: Just because its hard, doesnt mean its worth the effort.

A construction worker walks into a bar. Hes a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots! A sudden silence descends.

After a moment he asks Anyone got a problem with that? The silence lengthens.

He then chugs back another beer and growls, And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum! Once again, the bar is silent.

He looks around belligerently and roars, Anyone got a problem with that? A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.

You got a problem, buddy?

Oh no; Im just on the wrong side of the bar.

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists have

discovered the secret ingredients to Viagra!

VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!) 3% Vitamin E 2% aspirin 2%

ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C

…and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …92% Fix-A-Flat!

It says: Press Any Key

It means: Press any key you like but Im not moving.



It says: Press A Key

(This ones a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the A key.)



It says: Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E

It means: … where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that its a hardware problem.



It says: Installing program to C:….

It means: … And Ill also be writing a few files into c:windows

and c:windowssystem where youll NEVER find them.



It says: Please insert disk 11

It means: Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks.



It says: Not enough memory

It means: I dont CARE if youve got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the

bit below 640K.



It says: Cannot read from drive D:….

It means: … However, if you put the CD in right side up…



It says: Please Wait….

It means: … Indefinitely.



It says: Directory does not exist….

It means: …. any more. Whoops.



It says: The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.

It means: ….Makes no difference to me, youre still not getting your work back.

How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework?

Theyre both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
“What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
“I use them in my juggling act,” says the juggler.
“Oh yeah?” “Let’s see you do it.” Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.A guy driving by sees this and says, “Wow, am I glad I stopped drinking. Look at the test they’re making you do now!”

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.

The crews foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.

The supervisor radios back and says, Dont worry, well send some shovels … just lean on each other until they arrive.