Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Define lightbulb.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

Andaba Ramiro enojando vociferando por las calles de La Habana y se encuentra a su gran amigo Filemón, quien le dice: ¿Qué pasa Ramiro? ¿porqué tan enojado? Es que todo esto es por culpa de Fidel… ¿De qué tiene la culpa Fidel, hermano? Pué que para comprá azúcar, una maldita cola, para comprá harina, una maldita cola, y que si va comprá tú carne, otra maldita cola… y no se diga de la gasolina hermano, otra maldita cola… ¡ya estoy cansado!… ¡yo voy a matar a Fidel! Oye chico quieto, que no andes por ahí diciendo tarugadas ¿cómo de que vas a matar a Fidel? ¿que tú estas loco de la cabeza, hermano? Mira Filemón, ahorita que me voy y que mato a Fidel… él tiene la culpa de todo esto…

Total que Ramiro arranca para donde Fidel para matarlo. Pasadas las horas, Filemón se encuentra a Ramiro sentado en una banqueta viendo la gente pasar…

Oye chico, yo ya te hacía agujereado en un paredón… ¿que tú no ibas a matar a Fidel y que no se qué? Pues mira hermano, yo iba, pero es que para matar a Fidel hay ¡¡UNA MALDITA COLA!!

A husband apple and a wife apple were having a discussion.

Honey, you seem upset… said the husband apple to his wife apple.



Yes dear, I am. she replied.



What is the matter? he asked.



The wife apple would not say what the matter was and she kept hesitating.



Finally, the husband apple got very upset, and demanded to his wife apple, You better tell me what is wrong! I want to get to the CORE of things!

One day two men walked into the bar. Both men were exactly alike, a clone you could say. They both sat down for the bartender to fix them a drink. The first man sat down, waited on the bartender to fix his drink. When it was given to him he drunk it very fast, left, and had a happy life. The next man sat down, and waited on the bartender to fix his drink. When the drink was given to him he drunk it very slowly, and died right there on the spot. Why did the first man live but the second man die?



Answer: The bartender placed a poison in both of the drinks. The trick is, the poison was in the ice. So, the first man drank the drink so fast that the ice didnt melt, so the poison did not get in his drink. The second man drank the drink way to slow, so the ice had time to melt out into the drink. The poison got into his drink and he died.

You know uncle Rons cure for AIDS: Sit down and keep your mouth shut!

From former chairman of the US Federal Reserve Paul Volcker according
to the Wall Street Journal:

A parrot fancier who happened into a London pet shop noticed a
particularly colorful bird and asked its price.

Five thousand pounds, the shop owner replied.

Five thousand pounds? the man asked. Why so much?

Well, this bird speaks fluent Italian, Spanish and French, is
brushing up on his German and starting to study English, came the
reply. With the European Communitys unification due in 1992, hell
be a great asset.

I dont care about the Common Market, the parrot fancier said.
What about that gray one in that other cage?

The gray one was 15,000 pounds, he was told, because the bird spoke
Arabic, Chinese, and Korean and was learning Japanese–the
languages of the 21st century.

Im too old to worry about the 21st century, the frustrated parrot
lover replied. What about that mangy brown one up on that perch in
the corner?

The brown one, said the shopkeeper, was 25,000 pounds.

Twenty-five thousand pounds! exclaimed the customer. What does
he do to worth that?

Were not sure, the pet-shop owner replied. But the other two
call him chairman.

Q: Whats the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A:


Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.