Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.
They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window.
After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, Werent you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?
The nun Replied, Nah, dont you know old habits are hard to break!!
Jaimito va al comedor donde sus padres están charlando con una visita y dice gritando:
¡Mamá, quiero hacer caca!
La madre, apenadÃsima, se lo lleva al cuarto de baño y le dice: Mira, Jaimito, la próxima vez que quieras hacer caca, di que quieres silbar, de acuerdo?
SÃ, mamá…
Esa misma noche, Jaimito se levanta y va al dormitorio de sus padres, que están dormidos.
Tras achuchar un poco a la madre, le dice: Mamá, mamaá, que quiero silbar…
Y la madre, todavÃa sin despertarse del todo, le contesta:
Bueno, pues sÃlbale a tu padre en la oreja…
Paddy, asked the barmaid, what are those two bulges in the front of
your trousers?
Ah, said Paddy. Theyre hand grenades. Next time that queer OFlaherty
comes feeling my balls, Ill blow his bloody fingers off!
TOP TEN things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you cant hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what its like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a mans eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. And, the NUMBER ONE thing women would do if they woke up with a penis…
REPEAT NUMBER NINE.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!
Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they dont disgrace themselves at the parade.
What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? Getem on their back and their both fucked.
Una vez que los espermatozoides son depositados, uno de ellos se coloca al frente y le informa a los demás:
Bueno compañeros, la carrera consiste en llegar primero al óvulo. A la cuenta de tres salimos corriendo.
En eso estaban, cuando de repente, el lÃder del grupo se detiene y gritando dice:
Alto compañeros, hemos sido vilmente engañados, vamos culo arriba.
One day a drunk man told the bartender, Ill bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye. The bartender grinned and said, Okay, you drunk. The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it. After more drinks the drunk said, I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye. The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, Okay. The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, Ill bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar. The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay. The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why. The man replied, That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!
A vampire walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a glass of blood. The bartender goes out and butchers a pig, gets a glass of blood and serves it to the vampire. The vampire drinks it, pays his tab and then leaves.
Next night, vampire walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a glass of blood. The bartender goes out and butchers a pig, gets a glass of blood and serves it to the vampire. The vampire drinks it, pays his tab and then leaves.
Third night vampire walks into the bar asks the bartender for a glass of water, Bartender says to the vampire Im sorry sir, I don;t mean to be rude but your a vampire correct. Vampire answers yes, Bartender says well, the last 2 nights you have came in here and asked fror a glass of blood. What makes you want a glass of blood tonight?
Vampire pulls out a tamponand says tea time