07
Aug

El Director General de una

El Director General de una empresa, después de mucho meditar, llama al Subdirector y le pregunta:

Oye, ¿tú crees qué el hecho de que yo me practique el amor con mi mujer es una cuestión de placer o de trabajo?

¡No lo sé, señor Director General, me pilla por sorpresa la verdad es que no sé que responder!

Bueno, pues tienes una hora para contestarme.

El Subdirector, todo acongojado, se dirige al Director de Sección y le pregunta:

Oye, el hecho de que nuestro Director General practique el amor con su mujer, ¿tú que crees que sea: una cuestión de placer o de trabajo?

Pues, no tengo ni idea, macho.

Bueno, pues tienes 50 minutos para contestarme.

El Director de Sección va con el Subdirector de Sección y al plantearle la misma pregunta aquel no sabe que responderle; éste a su vez pregunta a su inferior y así sucesivamente hasta que llega al encargado que tampoco sabe que responder, así que se dirige al becario, que está en una mesa llena de papeles por todos lados, y le pregunta:

¡Oye, becario, tienes 5 minutos para responderme! ¿Para ti, el hecho de que nuestro Director General haga el amor con su mujer es cuestión de placer o de trabajo?

De placer, por supuesto.

El otro se queda atónito ante la rapidez de respuesta y le cuestiona:

¿Y cómo lo has sabido así, tan rápido y con tanta seguridad?

¡Toma ya, pues porque si fuera cuestión de trabajo me estaría acostando yo con ella!

07
Aug

Dont miss these ones!

Yo mama is so fat…



she walked in front of the tv and i missed a two hour movie





every time she turns around its her birthday





the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs





i swerved around her and ran out of fuel





people run around her for marathon practise





i roll over 3 times and im still on the bitch





the last time she saw 90210 was on the scales





when she got on the scales it said one at a time please





when she tried again it said no live stock please





she gets a group discount at weight watchers





when she tried sunbaking, greenies started jumping around her yelling save the whale, save the whale





shes got more rolls than a bakery





her belt size is equator





she has her own gravity pull





when a bulldozer ran in to her she said who threw that pebble?





YO MAMAS so stupid…





she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death





it takes her 3 mins to cook 2 min noodles





YO MAMAS so poor…





when she was kickin a can down the street and i asked what ya doin? she said movin house





she hangs the toilet paper out to dry





when i was at her place i asked wheres the toilet? she said pick a corner





when i was at her place i asked whats for dinner? she stuck her foot on the table and said corn and jam





YO MAMAS so old…





when she reads the bible she reminices.

07
Aug

Blondes and Cops

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.

07
Aug

Santa and 3 sexy ladies

This one sounds better spoken because of the ryhmes. Try it out loud…

Santa, making his rounds, is in a house, when he is approached by a attractive young lass…

Santa will you stay and play with me?

Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know. and he disappears up the chimmney.

In the next house, he is approached by a another attractive young woman, this one has her robe quite open, with a wonderful veiw of her chest.

Santa will you stay and play with me?

Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know. and he disappears up the chimmney.

In the next house, he is greeted by yet another attraqctive woman, whom is laying fully undressed on a rug in front of the fireplace.

Santa will you stay and play with me?

Hey, Hey, Hey, might as well stay, cant get up the chimmney with my dick this way!

07
Aug

Without Viagra this can happen!

A 70 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up.



The doctor told her she needed more activity & recommended sex three times a week.



She said to the doctor , Please, tell to my husband.



The doctor goes out in the waiting room & tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a week.



The 70 year old husband replies, Which days ?



The doctor says, How about Monday ,Wednesday and Friday.



The husband says, I can bring her Monday & Wednesday, but on friday shell have to take the bus.

06
Aug

Another $200 Bucks

This guy goes over to his buddies house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife. Is John home? he asks. She replies No Im sorry hes gone out to run a few errands. Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes? She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen. I cant help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them. The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is a $100. She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks Your breast was so beautiful, Ive got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both. She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another $100 throws it on the table and says, I cant wait any longer, I must get going. Please tell John I came by. About ten minutes pass and John comes home. His wife meets him in the hall and says Your friend came by, you just missed him, he left ten minutes ago. John replies, Did he drop off the $200 bucks he owes me?

06
Aug

Man, Im Glad Im A Man

Everyday I give thanks to God I was born a man instead of a broad When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV I dont shave my legs, I stand up to pee I go to a barber, not a beauty salon Dont pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on Dont wax my pubes so I can wear shorts I use my turn signal, I understand sports

Man, Im glad Im a man, man Tell you the reason I am I dont go through a faze every 28 days

Man, Im glad Im a man I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons Dont take a lot of friends when I go the the john I dont throw a fit when I break a nail I dont buy a lot of shoes just because theyre on sale I dont apply makeup in my rear-view mirror I dont think of Bambi when Im out hunting deer I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass I dont ask my friends about the size of my ass

Man, Im glad Im a man, man Tell you the reason I am I dont face the pain of water-weight gain Man, Im glad Im a man

Let me tell you ladies Listen to me ladies I love those things inside of your blouse I love your pretty faces Your warm and soft embraces But if I had my own two boobs, Id never leave the house

I dont spend two hours getting ready for a date I dont play with dolls unless they inflate When someone asks me my age, I never lie After sex in bed, my spots always dry I dont read about orgasms in Vogue magazines I dont mind if my dates try to get in my jeans I dont spend a fortune on French lingerie This is the same underwear I wore yesterday

Man, Im glad Im a man, man Tell you the reason I am I dont take a pill, I dont use Massengill Man, Im glad Im a man

Man, Im glad Im a man, man Tell you the reason I am I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin Man, Im glad Im a man

05
Aug

Candidate Clinton vs. President Clinton

Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised to increase minimum wage
President Bill Clinton: Wants to keep the wage the same

Candidate Bill Clinton: Attacked Bushs policy of sending illegal Haitians back to Haiti
President Bill Clinton: Decided to maintain Bushs policy on Haiti.

Candidate Clinton, campaign ad, January 1992
Ive offered a comprehensive plan to get our economy moving again….It starts with a tax cut on the middle class.

Candidate Clinton, Jan. 12, 1992
I want to make it very clear that this middle-class tax cut, in my view, is central to any attempt were going to make to have a short-term economic strategy.

President-elect Clinton, Jan 14, 1993
From New Hampshire forward, for reasons that absolutely mystify me, the press thought the most important issue in the race was the middle class tax cut. I never did meet any voter who thought that.

President Clinton, first Oval Office address, Feb. 15, 1993
I had hoped to invest in your [the middle classs] future…without asking more of you. And Ive worked harder than Ive ever worked in my life to meet that goal. But I cant.

Candidate Clinton, last presidential debate, Lansing Mich., Oct. 19, 1992
The real mistake he [President Bush] made was the read my lips promise in the first place. You just cant promise something like that just to get elected if you know theres a good chance that circumstances may overtake you.

President-elect Clinton, press conference, Jan. 14, 1993
We have a structural deficit that is too high. The American people would think I was foolish if I said I will not respond to changing circumstances.

05
Aug

Frog

Why did the farmer sell his frog leg ranch?
He found out it was a rough toad to hoe.

05
Aug

One day, many years

One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and killed. Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St. Peter and asks Can I get into heaven now?



He says Soon, I have some things to take care of.



So St. Peter leaves and Hillary looks at the scenery and sees millions of clocks lying around. Every once in a while, a clock or so would turn ahead 15 minutes. Hillary wondered why. Soon, St. Peter came back and Hillary asked St. Peter, What are all these clocks for?



St Peter replies Each clock represents a man. Every time a man commits adultry, the clock turns ahead 15 minutes.



Hillary asks Wheres my husbands clock? St. Peter replies Oh, its in Gods office, he uses it for a fan.