Israel knew when to pull out of Jordan.
29
Jul
29
Jul
You might be a redneck if…
Bikers back down from your momma.
29
Jul
(From an article in The (Toronto) Globe and Mail:)
Mr. Jones related an incident from some time back when IBM Canada Ltd.
of Markham, Ont., ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan. The
company noted in its order that acceptable quality allowed for 1.5 per cent
defects (a fairly high standard in North America at the time).
The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged separately in
plastic. The accompanying letter said: We dont know why you want
1.5 per cent defective parts, but for your convenience, weve packed
them separately.
28
Jul
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. Theyve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator, she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake.
28
Jul
Whats grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.
Whats even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.
28
Jul
Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. Whats six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?
A. Money
Q. Whats the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. Whats the difference between you and your paycheck?
A. Your wife will blow your check.
Q. Whats the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A. A man who hates every bone in a womans body except his own.
Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Q. What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A. Theyve both swallowed a lot of seamen.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. Its not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist beach?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist beach?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q. Whats the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
A. A pick-pocket snatches watches.
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More head room.
Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as a substitute for meat.
Q. Whats the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A. One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year.
Q. What do old women have between their breasts that young women dont?
A. A bellybutton.
Q. Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A. Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
27
Jul
You might be a redneck if…
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Youve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Youve ever used lard in bed.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Youve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame
27
Jul
Un señor estaba caminando por la calle cuando de pronto ve a Pepito saltando al lado de la puerta, queriendo tocar el timbre. Entonces el caballero se acerca y le dice :
Niño necesitas una ayuda?
Y pepito le responde: SÃ
Entonces el amable señor levanta a pepito y ayuda a que toque el timbre de la casa. Una vez que lo hace Pepito le dice al señor:
Muy bien, ¡ahora a correr!
27
Jul
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
Because they couldnt put three Ws in a row.
27
Jul
Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) Theyre hiring.
Q.) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A.) Dam.
Q.) How do crazy people go through the forest? A.) They take the psycho path.
Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A.) Polaroids.
Q.) What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? A.) National Dyslexia Association.
Q.) What do you call cheese that isnt yours? A.) Nacho Cheese.
Q.) What do you call Santas helpers? A.) Subordinate Clauses.
Q.) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A.) Quattro sinko.
Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow? A.) Spoiled milk.
Q.) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A.) Frostbite.
Q.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A.) A nervous wreck.
Q.) Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A.) Anyone can roast beef.
Q.) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A.) They all have phones.
Q.) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A.) Sanka.
Q.) Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A.) Because they have big fingers.
Q.) What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A.) A dog that runs for help … after it bites your leg off.
Q.) What do you call a boomerang that doesnt work? A.) A stick.